


Scattered Feathers

by Luneth



Series: Feathers [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Blood, Eridan with Alpha Humans, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 19:19:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8257399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luneth/pseuds/Luneth
Summary: Just some extra scenes that would take place after the end of the Feathers Series.





	1. Driving

**Author's Note:**

> No idea if I'll be able to update this regularly. I've got a few ideas for some more shenanigans with our favorite gang. ^u^ Some new powers to learn, some fun interactions to be had. Ya know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's payback time for the motorcycle incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized that since Eridan was like 16 in the Feathers universe, and he probably never bothered to get a license before meeting the others, and with all the craziness since then he probably didn't have time afterwards, and hey teaching your partner to drive is a romantic thingy, right? That's what the media tells me. Anyways, it's Eridan's turn to terrify Dirk with a motor experience.
> 
> I thought you only had to be 18 to supervise a new driver but apparently you need to be 21 but you can be 19 in some states.

“You can’t drive?”

“Well, no.” Eridan shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck, refusing to meet Dirk’s eyes. “I ain’t got a license. Never even bothered to get a permit.”

“Driving’s a useful skill.” Dirk leaned back on the counter and crossed his arms. “You should probably look into learning.”

“I don’t wanna go to some drivin school,” Eridan grumbled as he yanked open the fridge for a soda, “I could hardly stand regular school, an I’m goin to college in a few months anyways. I’ll be busy.”

“You don’t **have** to go to a driving school,” Dirk pointed out, “I didn’t. You just need to study enough to pass the permit test.”

“I guess but,” Eridan’s face screwed up, “What about the actual drivin part? I gotta get instruction for that.”

“Nah.” Dirk jerked his thumb at his chest. “I’ll turn 19 in December. We can practice over winter break.” Eridan cocked an eyebrow at him.

“You’d get in a car with me on my first time behind the wheel?”

“Sure.”

“I dunno, I’d rather get some aging professor killed rather than you.” Dirk snorted.

“We’ll start you off slow. Don’t worry about it.”

“Well…” Eridan tilted his head back, thinking. “I guess it’d be nice to not have to take the bus everywhere. Alright, doesn’t sound like too terrible an idea.”

 

000

 

“This was a terrible idea.”

“Eridan, chill.”

One learner’s permit later, Eridan and Dirk were sitting in an empty lot with a car graciously loaned by Rose’s mom (as Jane’s dad very politely rejected the request).

Dirk pointed through the windshield at the rows of cones the Alphas had set up. “It’s just orange cones. No one will sue if you murder a bunch of cones.”

“What if I hit that tree?” Eridan moved one finger off the death grip of the wheel to point at a tree on the edge of the lot. “And blow up the airbags and snap your neck?”

“You aren’t going to hit the tree. And **if** the airbags deployed, we’d be fine. We aren’t kids.”

“I’ll hit the others.” Eridan’s gaze flickered to the rest of the gang hanging out at the edge of the lot. “I’m gonna lose control and mow them down.”

“No you aren’t. They can move. Roxy can turn invisible. Jake can stop the car. You won’t be going at any unsafe speeds. Here,” He pointed to the stick-shift. “Mirrors checked? Press down on the brake and shift into drive.” Eridan grumbled but did as instructed. As soon as he released his foot from the brake the car lurched forward and he shrieked before slamming down the pedal again to stop it.

“It moved!” He banged his hands repeatedly against the wheel, trying to work off his nerves. “I didn’t press the gas why’d it move?!”

“The car will move forward automatically if you aren’t on the brake, but only at like 5mph,” Dirk answered, a faint smirk playing on his lips. He sent Eridan a bit of calming emotions to soothe him. “Why don’t you get used to that first, then try speeding up a little?”

“Alright,” Eridan took a deep breath, then focused on the road, “Ok.” He slowly eased off the brake again. The car slid forward to creep along the road.

“Great.” Dirk pointed ahead at the cones. “Try turning through the cones.”

“Uh…” Eridan twisted the wheel as they approached, then twisted harder, then winced as he felt a cone crumple under the car. “Fuck.”

“Happens.”

“Ok ok, I’ll just-” Eridan stared down at the gear shift. “R is Reverse right?”

“Yup.”

“Right.” He yanked at it, eyes narrowing when it didn’t move.

“You gotta be pressing down on the brake,” Dirk said gently. Eridan huffed and jerked the shift back, then twisted around to see out the back. He squinted through the back window and tried to maneuver himself back onto the track with one hand. That looked right-

A bright white maw of jagged teeth burst through the side window to snap at his face. He shrieked and his arm jerked while his leg slammed down on the pedal. The car screeched in a sharp arc before lurching to a sudden stop.

Eridan sat rigid for a few seconds, then cracked an eye open. They weren’t moving. He looked over at Dirk, who slowly peeled his hand off the emergency brake.

“You ok there?” Dirk asked in his usual monotone, but with just the smallest tremble do it. Eridan stared at him blankly, then his face transformed into a terrifying snarl before he unbuckled his seatbelt and slammed the car door open to stumble outside. “Eridan?”

“ARE YOU BASTARDS TRYIN TO GET ME KILLED!?” Eridan screamed at the sky and kicked at the air in front of him. “Go away! Git!” Dirk leaned over to watch him, then looked down as his phone dinged.

 

TG: k so

TG: u guys just did a sharpass turn

TG: now eris screamin at the sky and jake looks like hes about to die laughin

TG: u guys alright?

 

Dirk turned to looked out the window at the rest of the group. Jake was on the ground, curled into a shaking ball. His face wasn’t visible, which was probably a good thing lest Eridan see it and turn his wrath onto the Page instead. Dirk looked back at his screen.

 

TT: Angels?

TG: angels

TT: Guess we’re done for the day.

 

000

 

“Okokok…” Eridan eased into the gas pedal, then slowed again as they approached the turn. “Ok, ok.” He flipped the turn signal, then turned back into the empty parking lot and completed their route around the block.

“Nice.” Dirk nodded as Eridan pulled into a parking space for good measure. “The angels give you trouble?”

“No.” Eridan grunted and cut the engine. “I told em I’d turn them into pixie dust if they did.”

“You improved fast.” Dirk reached over to pat his knee. “You should be able to pass the test in a couple of weeks.”

“Ugh.” Eridan flopped over to rest his head against his shoulder. “Drivin’s stressful as fuck.”

“It gets easier.” Dirk wrapped an arm around his shoulders. They were quiet for a little while, then Dirk spoke up, “So…”

“I don’t like the tone a your voice.” Eridan muttered, “Nor do I like the feel a your heart.”

“I was just thinking,” Dirk drummed his free hand against the door handle. “Since you’ve learned to drive a car…”

“Yeah?”

“How about a motorcycle?”

“Dirk.”

“Yeah?”

“No.”

“It’s fun, I promise. And I can show you what’s safe.”

“No.”

“It wouldn’t be fast.”

“No.”

“We’d be spending hours sitting together with my arms wrapped around your waist.” Eridan was silent. “So?”

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He eventually learned how to ride the death bike. Now he can go rocketing down the street with a sea of angels following him like that Jurassic Park movie scene.


	2. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan's dad drops by and things couldn't possibly go worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be awkwardly humorous but instead it became angsty as Hell and that's why I'm late but it's longer.
> 
> Also I totally forgot that non-Hope Aspects can't understand what the angels are saying even if they can see them so I had to adjust for that.
> 
> Shout-out to my dad who answered all my questions about the military.

It was a little strange, sharing his soul with Eridan. Dirk wouldn’t say it was uncomfortable, it was just, different. It took a while for both of them to get used to it. There were awkward moments, like when Dirk rushed down the stairs in a panic because Eridan had burnt his hand on the toaster. He hadn’t quite gotten the hang of “surprising jolt of pain” versus “I’ve just been shot.”

Dirk was really trying not to be overbearing about it. The last thing he wanted was for Eridan to feel suffocated or violated over this, so when Dirk got a jolt of dread over the link on a late afternoon, he tried his best to rationalize.

 _“He forgot about a test tomorrow.”_ Dirk drummed his pencil against the table at a rapid pace. _“He stained his favorite shirt.”_ Dirk glanced out the window. Eridan was at his apartment, several blocks away, and the dread was still prickling at the back of his mind, mounting if anything.

Maybe Dirk would just text him.

His phone rang as he was pulling it out of his pocket. Eridan’s name flashed on the screen. Dirk’s heart rate jumped and he jabbed the talk button with his thumb before pressing it to his ear.

“Eridan?” He tried to keep his voice light, failed. Eridan’s voice whispered back at him, high and fast with half-suppressed panic.

“My dad’s comin here an’ he wants to meet everyone.”

 

000

 

Eridan’s dad was pretty much exactly as Dirk imagined him from his descriptions. He was a tall, imposing figure, a heavier build than Eridan, and had well-weathered face with two jagged scars running across it. He was in a military uniform, just the jacket, and Dirk counted an impressive number of authority-stripes. He had been glaring down at the rest of the group for far longer than was socially comfortable, scowling and rubbing his rough goatee with one hand.

“*Ahem,*” Roxy, always the brave one, cleared her throat and stuck her hand out. “Uh, Mr. Ampora, pleased to meet you-”

“I didn’t become a Rear Admiral to be addressed as ‘Mr. Ampora’.” He grunted and grabbed her hand in a quick shake. “Sir is fine.”

Within himself, Dirk could feel the soft flickers of Eridan’s soul dying. He glanced over. Eridan was staring at the wall with a glassy expression, trying to pretend he was composed instead of in a state of stunned dismay. Dirk sent him a bit of comforting energy.

“So which one a ya is that special one?” Mr., or Captain Ampora or whatever, scanned over the group. “Heard through the grapevine about a Space Aspect that was the cause a all that commotion.” Jake and Jane shuffled together to try and hide Callie, who looked like she might pee herself any second.

Eridan closed his eyes for a second, then took a deep breath through his nose before turning to step forward.

“This is Rox, Roxy Lalonde, Rogue of Void,” He rattled off the names at titles at a frantic pace as his arm jerked out to each of them in turn. “Jane Crocker, Maid a Life, Jake English, Page a Hope, Dirk Strider, Prince a Ho-H-Heart, uh,” Jake stepped aside to let Callie peak out behind him. “An’ that’s Callie. Muse a Space.”

“Right.” Mr. Ampora pointed at her and she jumped. “You’re, that one.”

“So!” Roxy skittered in between them. “Uh, there’s a great restaurant down the street. Do you want to head over for lunch?”

“Well, uh-” Mr. Ampora grimaced and rubbed the back of his head. “I can’t stay long, is the thing. Got some business in the area.”

“It was nice to meet you,” Dirk said, trying his best to sound polite and not directly challenging to the air of authority the man was exuding like a cloud of Axe. Mr. Ampora in return, shot him a harsh glare.

“Oh, I ain’t done with **you**.” Well shit, and here Dirk was wondering if Eridan was even out to this guy. “I’m comin by Eridan’s house for dinner. You’re gonna be there.” Dirk paused for a second, then jerked his chin up.

“Yes Sir.”

“Ok,” Mr. Ampora stepped back toward the door, “You all seem like decent enough people and you haven’t gotten Eridan killed yet, so I’ll take my leave, for now.” He put one hand on the door handle, then turned back to look directly at Jake. “And for fuck’s sake, Page, don’t have your angels wandering around like a gaggle a headless geese all the time. Eridan’s got **his** under control.” He swept out, the door closing solidly behind him.

Eridan collapsed against the armchair with a harsh sigh. Roxy planted her hands on his hips and gave a low whistle.

“Your dad’s some character, huh?”

“I **guess**.” He groaned and sat down on the floor. “I mean, I used to look up to him a lot as a kid, and I still respect him in a lotta ways but-” Jane patted him on the shoulder. He shook his head and got up. “I gotta head back to my place, to set up and stuff.”

“I’ll come.” Dirk came over to join him. “I’m gonna have to be there anyways.” Eridan grimaced.

“I’m just gonna be shoving all my crap outta sight.”

“I’ll help you find some hiding places.” Dirk looped one arm around his shoulders. “Gotta give dadpora the impression, false or not, I’m a responsible, helpful, boyfriend.” Eridan snorted at that, and Dirk could feel the stress unknotting in him.

“Alright, let’s go. I gotta find out what we’ll be eatin too.” Eridan called over his shoulder as they headed for the door. “See ya guys.”

Once they were gone, Jake tilted his head back and ran his fingers down his cheek.

“Zounds,” He muttered, “I’d like to grow some whiskers like those.”

“Jake.” Roxy placed a hand on his shoulder. “Jakey, Jakaroo, sweetie, no.”

“I could make it work!” He protested, “A rugged, adventurous look!” Jane wrinkled her nose.

“Try more of a ‘washed-up drunk’ one.”

“I don’t think the style would be very flattering.” Callie added softly, poking her fingers together. Jake gasped and pressed his hand to his chest.

“Is no one on my side!? Well then…” He grinned and snapped his fingers. “I always have one ally on my side!” An angel poofed into sight, chattering loudly.

 _“The Page will look excellent!”_ Jake crossed his arms and jerked his chin up with a smug expression.

“There we have it! Or should I make this a 4 to 3 vote?” Roxy rolled her eyes and blew a puff of air out at his antics.

“Jake, we can’t even understand what the angels say. Only you and Eri and whatever other Hope Aspects are around can.”

“Oh yeah.” His grin vanished and his dismissed the angel with a sigh. “Well, my point still stands!” Roxy gave a pained smile.

“It really doesn’t.”

 

000

 

“So!” Mr. Ampora glared across the table at Dirk “A Prince a Heart, eh?”

“Yes, Sir.” Dirk answered in what he hoped was a polite tone.

“What did you say your last name was?”

“Strider.”

“Strider…” Mr. Ampora rubbed his chin, eyebrows drawn together in thought. “You related to that Time Aspect movie director?”

“Yeah.”

“Worked with him a couple a times.” He stabbed at his food viciously as he talked. Dirk was pretty sure it was more intimidation tactics than any actual eating strategy. Eridan’s fork, in response, had been poking at and moving around the same piece of meat the entire meal. Dirk could feel his anxiety spiking loud and clear, like radio static turned up loud. He wished he had sat closer. He hadn’t expected Eridan to be the nervous one in this setting.

 “Bit of an oddball,” Mr. Ampora continued, “but gets the job done. So what about you? You worth half the salt in your body?”

“I think I can say that I am,” Dirk answered without missing a beat. Mr. Ampora leaned in to squint at him for a few seconds, then sat back.

“Well, you look like you can fight well enough.” He grunted and took a long drink from his cup. “But you’re young, the both a ya. Here’s some advice:” He jabbed a fork at them. “Rage Aspects. You gotta watch out for the little buggers. They’ve always got some trick up their sleeve. Sometimes I swear they’re rabid half the time. Be careful with Rage Aspects, **especially** Princes. I swear to God-”

Dirk kept his face stoic in the rant. The only Prince of Rage he knew of was Makara from team Beforus, who at the last party had spent most of the night in a heated ASL debate with Leijon about, from what Dirk had glimpsed, mimes.

“Anyways, Rage Aspects are rare,” Mr. Ampora was still talking, “but I’m sure you’ll run into one eventually. Just be prepared when that time comes.”

“Eridan kind of already completely trashed a Rage Aspect,” Dirk pointed out, “so we’re probably good. We’ve probably dealt with worse by now.”

Mr. Ampora’s gaze whipped over to Eridan, who froze.

“You did?” His voice wasn’t quite incredulous, but had a discernable trace of surprise. Eridan stared back like a deer, his fork slipping from his hand.

“Yeah he did,” Dirk answered quickly, sensing Eridan had frozen up. “Beat him to a pulp, but it’s cool. He’s fine. Now he shows up all the time pestering Eridan for rematches.”

Mr. Ampora set his mouth and glared at Dirk through narrowed eyes. Dirk returned the gaze evenly behind his glasses. He could take as many staring contests as this guy had for him.

Mr. Ampora threw his head back to laugh, slamming his hand down on the table and making them both jump.

“Should’ve known!” He barked, “Should’ve known! Ah, just like your old man. Hope you bashed his face in.” He took another long drink, then slammed the cup down and reached for the carton. “Same happened to me. Ha, no enemy soldier brought me closer to death than that goddamn Prince.” He shrugged, lifting the drink to his mouth again. “But he’s alright. We get drinks every Tuesday now. Alright fella, terrible sense a humor though.”

“…Right.” Dirk twiddled his fork between his fingers. Eridan had relaxed a little, but Dirk could still feel the stress emanating off him waves. He felt like he was holding his breath, focusing hard on keeping his face calm.

“Anyways!” Mr. Ampora waved a hand back at Eridan. “Uh, Eridan, how’s it been, with this whole Aspect business?”

“Fine,” He answered quietly. Dirk frowned, his concern mounting from Eridan’s reactions.

 “Sounds like you’ve been up to a lot, even since the Black King,” Mr. Ampora grimaced, “with the uh, whole SBURB business and whatnot.”

“It’s done, now.” Eridan mumbled down at his plate, staring intently at the steamed broccoli.

“Got the details from an Aspect mate.” He continued, “Wish I could have gotten here in time to help. Sounds like quite the fight.” He reached up to scratch at one of his scars. “I, uh, heard there was some kinda experimentation deal goin on with Aspects in the area.” Eridan’s fork froze over his food. “You didn’t get bothered by any a that stuff, did ya?”

Eridan’s hands slowly curled into themselves, trembling ever so faintly. He took a slow swallow, as if he had actually been eating.

“Nah.” His voice was faint. It might have been mistaken for casual.

“Oh, right then!” Mr. Ampora straightened a bit, snapping back into his commanding demeanor. “I didn’t think so anyways. Fang was probably just pullin my leg anyways.”

 _“Jesus.”_ Dirk brought his drink to his lips and took a slow sip. _“Jesus fucking Christ on a dancing pony.”_ He peeked at Eridan behind his shades, who busied himself cutting his food into potions fit for a Barbie doll. The stress was building in him. It was taking a visible toll on him, with shallow breaths and just a bit of sweat beading on him temple.

“You should show me what you can do some time,” Mr. Ampora stabbed at another piece of food as he talked, “I could show you some new tricks, stuff you’d best be havin under your belt.” He frowned suddenly, then looked up at Eridan. “What’s the deal with you Page, anyways? He always got his angels roaming around him like that?” Eridan paused, then gave a faint nod.

“Yeah.”

“What a nuisance,” Mr. Ampora grunted, resting his cheek on his knuckles as he picked at his food, “The angels, they’re your **soldiers**. No discipline in that one.”

Eridan’s eyes sharpened for a second. “He gets by fine like that. He’s a strong Aspect.” His voice had a bit of a snap in it, and a moment later his expression morphed into someone absolutely ready to swallow his own tongue.

“Jake is a Page,” Dirk cut in quickly, “It makes sense he would have a different relationship with them. And the other Hope Aspects just have them floating around too, don’t they?” He glanced at Eridan, who jerked his head in a nod. Mr. Ampora huffed and sat back.

“He can’t keep them like that forever. Gives away his intentions to any Hope Aspect around.” He waved a hand at Eridan. “Even you can keep them under control. Er, I mean, since you’re a little more, recent to this. But you’ve done fine, from what I’ve heard. I always knew you would be a powerful one. You’ll-” He stopped suddenly, and his eyes narrowed. “What’s gotten into you, boy?”

Dirk was afraid to look, but he turned in his seat to face Eridan. The other Prince was hunched over, gripping the edge of the table in both hands hard enough his fingers had gone white. He stared wide-eyed down at his plate, short, wheezing breaths hissing past his teeth.

Dirk stood up. “Erida-” Mr. Ampora shouted. Dirk felt Eridan’s emotions snap, the walls buckling in.

The room lit up white.

Dirk went crashing backwards to slide down the hall. Enraged shrieks filled his ears, bouncing off the walls. He swore and shoved himself up, fixing his glasses back into place.

Eridan hadn’t moved, but dozens of angels whipped around the room, curling around him as they screamed.

_“SHUT UP!”_

_“HOW DARE YOU!”_

Dirk stumbled upwards, wincing at the noise. He didn’t know what they were saying, but the way Mr. Ampora was staring, it probably wasn’t friendly. The man had gotten to his feet as well, the chair knocked over behind him.

_“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING.”_

_“YOU NEVER KNEW ANYTHING.”_

Dirk ducked as one of the serpents zoomed past him, screaming in that language he would never understand. He carefully made his way back to Eridan, keeping an eye on Mr. Ampora, who hadn’t moved. The angels skirted around him, never getting too close.

_“YOU DARE JUDGE US?”_

_“IDIOT. FOOL. TWIT.”_

“Eridan.” Dirk grabbed his shoulder. Eridan let the touch shift him, but didn’t react.

 _“YOU’RE JUST ANOTHER ONE.”_ Dirk flinched at a particularly loud angel next to his ear. _“JUST ANOTHER ONE WHO WAITED AND WAITED AND DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING.”_

“ **Eridan**.” Dirk gripped his shoulders with both hands and turned him toward him, pouring a calmness he himself didn’t feel over the emotions raging through him. “Eridan calm down. It’s ok. It’s alright.” Eridan twitched, and the screams of the angels died down, fading to a mass of angry hissing. Dirk continued, softer. “I’m right here, Eridan. Calm down.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Dirk could see the angels fading from sight. Eridan looked up to stare at his face, then his head dipped down as a soft, whining cry rose out of his throat. His shoulders began to tremble. Dirk gently pulled him up to hug him tight, knitting one hand through his hair. Eridan hung limp in his hold, face buried in his shoulder.

Dirk looked over Eridan at Mr. Ampora, then jerked his head to the door. “Get out.” He mouthed. Did he have the right to kick Eridan’s dad out of his apartment? He sure as Hell did at this moment. He’d haul him out by his underwear if it would help Eridan feel better.

Thankfully, Mr. Ampora did nothing more besides open his mouth, jerk his hand up halfway, then turn and mutely hurry out the door, closing it behind him.

Dirk sat down against the kitchen counter, holding Eridan in his lap. He ran a hand down his back, hearing him hiccup and sniffle.

“You ok?”

“Oh my God,” Eridan muttered weakly. “He’s g-gonna fuckin **disown** me.”

“Shhh…” Dirk ruffled his hair, “It’s alright. It’s fine. He’s not going to disown you. And we’d adopt you anyways.” He meant it as a joke, but was actually considering calling Roxy up to see if she could goad her mother into making it happen. “You and your uh, dad don’t get along? Has he, did he hurt you?”

“No!” Eridan jerked back and shook his head. “It ain’t like that. It’s just-” He groaned and buried his face into Dirk’s shirt. “It’s, we just don’t talk much. He’s away a lot. I’m over here at school and stuff.”

“But you still feel pressured to meet his expectations, huh?” Dirk nudged him back a little and carefully pulled Eridan’s glasses off, smudged with tears. The miserable expression it revealed twisted his heart. “What was that about?”

“I don’t-” Eridan shook his head. “I don’t fuckin **know**. I don’t-” His voice cracked and fell into a soft whine. Dirk curled his hand against his neck, rubbing his thumb against his jaw.

Eridan curled up against him, eyes fluttering shut. A few minutes later he slumped and his head lolled to the side, passed out from either shock or energy burnout. Dirk checked his pulse, then picked him up and carried him to the bedroom. He tucked him in, tugging off his scarf and leaving it on the bedside table, then went to clean up the table. They’d talk about it later, with Roxy maybe, when Eridan felt better.

Once everything had been cleared away and anything broken cleaned up he returned to the bedroom. He slipped in as carefully as he could and draped one arm over Eridan, seeking comfort as much as giving it. Eridan’s hand crept up to hold his before he presumably drifted back to sleep again.

 

000

 

Cronus Ampora Senior leaned his elbows over the balcony of his hotel, a beer dangling in one hand as he stared out at the city nightlife below. He spotted an angel streaking past above him and took a swing of his beer. He hadn’t realized how many Aspects there were in this city.

He flicked his phone out, speed-dialing before putting it up to his ear.

“Shark?” A gruff voice answered him. “Didn’t expect a call from ya today. How’d your little meetin with your spawn go? You finally get to bond over the righteous power and glory a bein an Aspect like you were rambling on about for two days?”

“It,” Cronus drummed his fingers against the railing, “didn’t go quite as planned.”

“He try to kill ya?”

“Kurloz,” Cronus sighed, “I think I might have to go on leave for awhile.”

“What?” He heard the man on the other line make a noise of surprise that sounded a bit like a honk. “Don’t tell me the fucker actually managed to land a **hit** on ya. Tell me what hospital yer in so I can visit and you can finally make me laugh.”

“I ain’t in a hospital!” Cronus snapped at him. “And he didn’t- well, it’s complicated.”

“Did he go for the throat? If he’s anythin like ya he went for the torso.”

“Shut up. It’s just,” Cronus groaned and left his beer on the banister to drag his hand down his face, “I think I’m going to need some, time, to figure things out with him.”

“You sure about that, shark?” Kurloz’s voice was insultingly doubtful. “Not too late to get dead drunk instead and just keep sendin him cards for his birthday. Might be better that way.”

“I am **not** going to do that.” Cronus growled, then took another gulp of beer. “And ya know, God help me for suggestin it to the poor brat, but ain’t it about time you check in on your kid too?”

“Pshhh!” Cronus’ rolled his eyes at the other’s scoff. “Ain’t like the tyke’s gonna get himself possessed by the devil while I’m gone. Or at least, if he does he probably knows what he’s getting into.”

“I’m serious, Makara.” Cronus stabbed his finger into the railing. “At least make sure he ain’t dead or some shit. My son’s got two scars on his hands and I have **no** idea how he could have got those.”

“Stabscotch?”

“He’s not that stupid. Or God I hope he’s not.”

“Aw come on, remember we played it after getting drunk and I nearly lost my pinkie!”

“I can’t believe you command an army.”

“And I wouldn’t put you in charge of a bathtub, much less a ship.”

“You’re a horrendous person.”

“So are you, shark. That’s why we both ain’t got better company.”

“Just,” Cronus sighed and clinked his beer against the railing. “Think about it, alright? I gotta go log in my leave time.”

“How long do ya think you’ll be gone?”

Cronus frowned, watching the sky. No more angels flew past, but the sky did decide to grace him with a falling star, a little bit of space rock crashing through the atmosphere and burning up into smoke. Frightening, when you think about it.

“Long enough.”

 

000

A few months later

 

tentacleTherapist began pestering timeausTestified 

 

TT: Have you by chance taken a look at the news in the past 23 minutes?

TT: No, why?

TT: It would appear famous movie director Dave Strider Senior has abruptly ceased production on his latest movie to rush off on personal matters.

TT: What?

TT: What happened?

TT: In a hasty word to the press as he passed by,

TT: “I need to meet the dude who has his tongue down my son’s throat like yesterday.”

TT: Dirk?

TT: Oh dear, are you still there? I’d hate to explain to him I caused you a heart attack.

TT: Son of a

TT: This is literally the last possible thing I need right now.

TT: Unfortunate, because it is exactly what you will be receiving at Thanksgiving this Thursday.

TT: Along with Eridan.

TT: He is required.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose was secretly desperately hoping he hadn't seen it because she wanted to be the one to drop that on him. And no Eridan, you aren't escaping, even if you're busy Dave Sr. will just manipulate time to make it so you can be at both places.
> 
> It's ok though, as soon as Eridan showed up with a bottle of sparkling apple juice Dirk's dad was just "You're in. Don't give my son an STD, K?"
> 
> Every Hope Aspect should have a Prince to comfort them. And I've got a friend who likes Pale GHBDual so, *waves* OuO/  
> Dirk and Eridan have some borderline pale moments in this fic but I don't think Roxy minds and it's humanstuck anyways.
> 
> Eridan's dad is very very very hands off. As long as Eridan kept his grades above Cs and the teachers didn't call he just assumed he was doing fine and basically knows almost nothing about what happens in his life. It's partially because he doesn't know how he would connect to Eridan anyways, except maybe through Aspect stuff. Boy what a relief he was an Aspect after all, as Cronus Sr. always had that expectation he would. Cronus Sr. is just going to say something along the lines of that out loud. That surely isn't going to potentially fuck stuff up.
> 
> I guess Eridan's still bitter about everyone in his life hiding this huge secret from him who would've thought? Don't worry Eridan, even if you can't work up the nerve confront your dad or yourself about these frustrations, the angels have always got your back.
> 
> The most tragic thing that comes out of this is that Jake actually grows a goatee later in life. And every time it lasts about a week before Alpha begs him to shave it. Then he goes out on a solo mission for a few weeks. And repeat.
> 
> It could have gone worse. The angels could have attacked. Cronus Sr. could have retaliated and killed Eridan's angels, which would have sorta-hurt Eridan, and then Dirk hurls a butter knife at him. The angels could have also attacked Dirk when he tried to touch Eridan. That could have been worse. Look on the bright side!
> 
> "Stabscotch" is that stupid game where you put your hand flat on the table and jab a knife between your fingers really fast. O_o


	3. The Wandering Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave and Dirk play Steins;Gate, Dirk learns a new power, and Eridan basically has a heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They don't actually play Steins;gate, it's just the opening scene reminds me of it. Steins;gate is a visual novel/anime. It's pretty cool if you like timelines and loops and all that stuff Dave had to deal with.
> 
> It's Halloweeeeeeen so apparently it's time for ghosty shit or something.
> 
> Uh, warning this chapter has stuff happen that's kind of like symptoms of disassociation, so if you don't wanna read that go ahead and skip it.

 “Alright,” Dave held his fist up, “Fire in the hole, I guess.” Dirk flashed him a thumbs-up. The Time mark on Dave’s hand glowed, red gears crawling down his arms as red light rose off his skin. It faded after a few seconds, and Dave opened his fist to reveal the piece of amber in his palm.

“Think it worked?” He dropped the lump into Dirk’s hand.

“We’re about to find out.” Dirk stuck the piece into the tray and slid it into his latest machine. It had taken him a week to make, but it could pick up a much smaller concentration of Aspect than his scanner. He closed the door and pressed a few buttons. “Cross your fingers.” The machine beeped loudly, and a number flashed up on the screen. “Bingo.”

“It worked?” Dave leaned in to see. Dirk nodded.

“Yep, the chunk of amber absorbed some of your Time Aspect.” He began to fiddle with the dial under the screen. “This must have been how SBURB could make those storage units, and all their other crap.” He glanced over at the files on his computer screen. He had managed to pull only a disappointing amount of data from SBURB’s experiments before it all either disappeared or was destroyed. Not only that, but most of what he had was stuff he wouldn’t consider continuing with even **his** skewed perception of ethics. He had found something though, certain materials that were conductive to certain Aspects. He only had the ones for a handful of them, but he was figuring out the rest on his own.

“Well we know amber works for Time.” Dirk popped an empty soda can out of his sylladex. “That means the info on chalk, oil, and uranium is probably right. I sure hope there’s something to store Space Aspect in besides **uranium** though.”

“Yeah,” Dave dug his hands into his pockets, “gonna have a hard time explaining to the others that you mutated Jade. Like, well Jade, look on the bright side. Those dog ears look totally cool! What’s that? You glow too? Hey, that’s like, a fortune saved on glowsticks. Then we’d probably have to buy her some sausages to keep her happy. What are you doing now?”

“The next step.” Dirk opened the other compartment and stuck the can in, then went back to turning the dials. “We have the Aspect stored, now I want to see if I can harness it.” He glanced back at Dave. “Stand back.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Dave took several generous steps backwards. “What’s it gonna do?”

“It’s **supposed** to move this can forward in time, hopefully only an hour or so.” Dirk tapped some final buttons and nodded. “If it fails, it shouldn’t have too much energy stored to do anything damaging, but uh, if shit goes down would you mind grabbing the reigns on it?”

“Alright.” Dave nodded and raised his fists, as if taking said metaphorical reigns. “Let’s go.”

Dirk set the timer and scooted back in his chair. “We’re doing this, man.”

“We’re making this happen.”

The timer counted down, then gave a low beep. The compartment with the amber slowly lit up, making a humming noise like a microwave.  The machine began a slow, steady round of beeps.

“Shit,” Dirk muttered.

The beeping abruptly turned frantic, and the inside of the apartment flashed red once, twice, and Dave and Dirk threw their arms up just in time as the machine exploded.

“Fuck!” Dirk stumbled to the window and yanked it open to let the smoke drain out. “Well that didn’t work.”

“Well I dunno, did the can move?”

“Hang on.” Dirk waved the smoke aside to get a look at the machine. It had snapped in two with the force of the blast, and both the interior and outside was covered in a crusting of rust, as if it had been left outside for a few months.

“Not exactly what I was looking for,” Dirk pulled out the similarly rusted can from the compartment. “But at least it successfully extracted the Aspect, from the look of this rust.”

“Guess so.” Dave opened the door to help with the smoke. “Sorry about your machine.”

“I’ve got the blueprints.” Dirk glanced at the door. “Uh dude, if Jane sees this smoke-”

“Boys!” They winced as Jane’s alarmed voice called down the hall. “What on earth did you do!? Is something-”

“It’s fine!” Dirk called back. “Nothing’s on fire. Just busted a machine. Window’s open.”

“Goodness!” She appeared in the doorway. “Well then, did you discover anything interesting?”

“I guess.” Dirk smacked the oxidized remains of his machine. “Gotta build another one of these bastards before I can try again though.” A message popped up on his glasses.

 

TT: Are you sure there aren’t other projects you could be pursuing than another exploding microwave?

TT: Hal I’ve been working on your body too. You know I have been.

TT: Yes, but I’ve crafted an efficient schedule for you to better spend your time.

TT: Oh fuck off.

 

Dirk sighed and closed the chat.

“Dirk?!” He heard Eridan calling up the staircase. “I heard somethin blow up! You guys ok?”

“We’re fine!” Dirk called back as he walked into the hall. “All in a day’s work. Still got all my fingers.”

“You count em twice?”

Dirk smirked as he moved toward the stairs. “Yeah, yeah.” He tromped down to meet Eridan standing in the hallway, then held his hands up for him to see.

“Well good.” Eridan gave a faint smile and leaned in to press one cheek to his palm. “I like them.” Dirk smiled back, ignoring Dave fake-vomiting in the corner of his vision.

“So,” Eridan looked back up at the stairs. “How’d your Aspect storing thing work out?”

“Haven’t quite got all the kinks out.” Dirk nudged his shoulder. “Gotta make sure they don’t blow up before I go planting them in people’s stomachs.” Eridan chuckled, but it was after a quick pause and a little too weak. Dirk’s smile vanished, and he added quickly, “I’m not actually going to be doing that.”

“Course.” Eridan smacked him back. “Course you ain’t. I knew that.”

“I’ve figured out some of the materials that can store Aspect.” Dirk began to talk quickly to move the conversation past the botched joke. He took a step toward the kitchen as he walked. If his nose wasn’t lying, there were brownies that way. “There should be at least one for each Aspect. I have a theory hope is-”

And then he was on the floor. His cheek pressed against the carpet and his glasses knocked askew. Eridan’s panicked voice hit him, then he registered the other tugging at his arm, turning him over.

“Dirk, Dirk **fuck**. Rox!”

“I’m ok,” Dirk grunted and held up a hand to calm him. He shoved himself up into a sitting position and fixed his glasses. “What happened?”

“You just fucking **dropped** , dude.” Dave was standing on his other side, with Roxy beside him. Jane was kneeling right beside him, hands raised and glowing. “Like a sack of bricks that had been having a really shitty day and the floor was their bed that-”

“Dave, thanks.” Roxy pressed a hand over his chest to stop him and push him back a little. She looked down at Dirk with concern. “You alright there, D-Stri? Dizzy? Tired?”

“No, no.” Dirk ran a hand over his hair, then waved Jane back. “I’m fine. I feel fine.” Roxy squinted down at him, not looking quite convinced. “I am, really. I got sleep last night. Ate something.”

“Was it the gizmo?” Dave asked, “Did it mess you up?”

“I don’t think so.” Dirk got to his feet, Eridan’s hand staying on his arm. “Do I look messed up?” Dave’s mouth tightened and his eyebrows drew together just barely. Dirk could tell he was examining him for temporal anomalies.

“I don’t see anything,” He said after awhile, “But we could call a Seer.” Dirk shook his head.

“I don’t think that was it anyways. Maybe I just need some water.”

He headed for the kitchen again. His legs abruptly stopped responding and a violent flash of vertigo ripped through him, like he had just been jerked to the side without actually moving. He went down again, but Eridan caught him this time and helped him settle down on his knees.

“Jesus **fuck** Dirk.” Eridan’s voice was doing the thing where it got all high with worry and rising panic. “What the **Hell-** ”

“Eridan.” Dirk put one hand on his shoulder, carefully making his voice soothing and steady. “I’m ok. Don’t freak out.”

“I ain’t freakin out!” The fingers clamping into Dirk’s thigh begged to differ. “You sure you don’t feel weird?” Eridan pressed a hand to his forehead, then brought two fingers to his neck to check his pulse.

“Ye ok,” Roxy jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m gonna check out those fumes from the explosion. Dirk, you go lie down. Hal, monitor his vitals.” Hal answered with a cheerful iPhone jingle of confirmation.

“Come on.” Eridan pulled him up, keeping one arm over his shoulder. Dirk was relieved to find his legs were responding again.

“Sofa or up the stairs?” Eridan jerked his head at the suggested areas.

“I can take the stairs.” Dirk stood up straight to show he was ok.

“Go crash on Eri’s bed.” Roxy called as she headed up the stairs. “I’m gonna be checkin your room out for CO or whatever.”

“Don’t touch the stuff on the shelf over my bed,” Dirk said quickly, “Or the bottom shelf, or any of the shelves, or the stuff on the ground. I’ve got a system-”

“Ya, ya, yer highness.”

“You want me to stick around?” Dave asked as they headed up after her. “Call mom or-”

“Nah,” Dirk shook his head, “I’ll be fine.” Dave stared at him, expression no different than usual yet somehow conveying exactly what he didn’t say. Dirk sighed. “I’ll, I’ll tell you if shit gets worse. Promise.”

“…Cool.” Dave flashed him a thumbs-up. “I’m gonna bounce then. Gotta meet John for some windy bullshit shenanigans. Uh,” He shoved his hands into his pockets. “feel better.” Dirk nodded again before they headed up for the second floor.

Eridan didn’t let go of him until he was sitting down on the bed, where he checked his pulse and temperature **again** before bidding him to lie down.

“I’m not tired,” Dirk said, but Eridan shushed him.

“Just rest awhile then.” Eridan lay down next to him, resting on head down on his shoulder in an affectionate pinning technique. Dirk rolled his eyes but wrapped his arm around him.

“Ok, I can work with this.” Eridan snorted.

“You gonna take your glasses off?”

“Hal’s monitoring my vitals, apparently.”

“Right,” Eridan muttered, “Too bad, I like seein your eyes.”

“Do you?”

“They’re pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“Really pretty.”

Eridan’s voice was turning drowsy. Dirk resisted a chuckle and hugged him tighter. Relaxing for an hour or so didn’t seem so bad. He stared up at the ceiling, letting his eyes lose focus.

He was, floating. The sensation of the bed and Eridan’s warm body slowly faded away to the background. He was awake, his eyes were open. He couldn’t move.

 _“Sleep paralysis?”_ A bright red dot blinked in the corner of his vision, but he found no motivation to investigate it. He mused on those moments of drifting to sleep, then suddenly being stabbed with the feeling of falling and jerking awake again. Maybe that’s what was happening. Didn’t quite feel like it though.

Although he could just barely feel Eridan beside him, he felt his soul loud and clear, maybe even better than he usually could. The slow, even murmurs indicated he had fallen asleep.

Gradually, his focus returned. He could hear Roxy and Jake talking down the hall. He could feel the bed under him, and Eridan next to him. The arm he was lying on had fallen asleep.

The blinking red dot. Hal had been trying to contact him. He groggily got his phone out and opened the chat. His body felt heavy, and a little awkward.

 

TT: Dirk.

TT: Dirk are you awake?

TT: Ah, I see.

TT: Your vital signs are doing a curious thing. Message me back when you’re awake.

TT: What curious thing?

TT: Oh, back in your body, are we?

TT: You were out of it for a total of 2.34 hours.

TT: What.

 

Dirk checked the clock to find Hal’s claim was true. He groaned and ran a hand down his face.

 

TT: What was that?

TT: Your vitals indicated someone in a coma.

TT: Similar to a body whose soul was removed.

TT: You were blinking though.

TT: How do you feel?

TT: A little groggy, but I’ll get over that.

 

Dirk sat up, trying to get his arm out from under Eridan as gently as possible. The other woke up anyways, yawning and sitting up with him.

“’Ey,” He mumbled and fumbled for his glasses, “How d’you feel?” Dirk didn’t answer. “Dirk?”

“I’m fine,” He nodded faintly, “I…I’m going to make some calls.”

 

000

 

The group was waiting in the kitchen when Dirk came down. Roxy sat up and put her game console down.

“Well?” Her eyes sparked with curiosity. “What’s the verdict?”

“So, I asked around with some other Heart Aspects.” Dirk shoved his hands into his pockets and took a deep breath. “I…might be learning to astral project.”

“Wowie!” Jake slammed his hands on the table. “Like in the movies? That’s fantastic, Strider!” Dirk shrugged.

“It’s cool, yeah, but I have to get a handle on it fast, cause I can’t be falling out of my body randomly.”

“Um,” Callie fiddled with her cup of hot chocolate, “Sorry, what’s astral projecting?”

Eridan answered, “It’s like when your soul leaves your body to fly around. I kinda did it once, but that was when a Heart Aspect ripped me outta my body.”

“Apparently, I could conceivably do it at will.” Dirk looked down at his hands. “So, I’m going to be in my room practicing for the rest of the day. Just a heads-up.”

“Remember to take a break for dinner,” Jane reminded him, “Or I’ll come up there and drag your soul right back.” Dirk’s mouth twitched.

“Noted.”

“It’s safe, right?” Eridan asked suddenly. Dirk turned to face him and his head jerked down to look down at his hands, the fingers locked together tightly. “I mean, is it?”

“Yeah,” Dirk nodded, “I’m not going to be anything risky. Worst case scenario, I go find another Heart Aspect to put me back.

“Well, alright,” Eridan grumbled and took a sip of his tea. “Be careful.” Dirk grinned and ruffled his hair, ignoring his protests about messing up the style.

“Will do.”

 

000

 

Dirk locked his bedroom door, then went and checked to make sure the windows were locked as well. Chances were slim anyone was going to be attacking the house, but the idea of leaving his body completely unprotected made him just a little uneasy. His glasses beeped.

 

TT: I’ll be here, you realize.

TT: And with arms and legs, I might even be a more formidable guardian.

TT: Dude, if you had a body, I would so be kicking you out.

TT: Rude.

 

Dirk rolled his eyes and took his shades off to toss them on the bedside table before lying down on his bed. He stared up at the ceiling, then closed his eyes.

 _“Relax.”_ He took slow breaths in and out through his nose. _“Relax, let go.”_ He imagined himself floating upwards, leaving the weight of his body behind. A soft tingling ran through his body, and he felt the sensation of the bed fading away. He pushed farther. The weightlessness dropped away and he “fell” back into bed again. He frowned and tried again, pushing harder. This time he snapped out of it faster than before. He huffed faintly.

 _“It’s like falling asleep.”_ He tilted his head back and took another, slow breath. _“You can’t force yourself asleep. Relax.”_

He let the floating feeling take him again, but relaxed into it instead of pushing forward. He felt himself slowly rise higher, as if lying in a filling pool.

He opened his eyes.

He sat up slowly, then got out of bed. He hesitated, then turned around to look. His body lay still on the mattress, the chest just barely rising and falling.

 _“Alright.”_ He nodded to himself. _“Alright, cool.”_ He felt a tug on his consciousness and turned to see his shades on the bedside table. A faint pink aura, mixed with streaks of red, coated them. Dirk decided not to try and touch it.

Curious as to how far away he could move from his body, he dropped through the floor and ended up in the kitchen. Roxy and Eridan were at the table. Roxy had returned to her video games, and Eridan was reading something on his phone. They both shone with similar pink auras, but Roxy’s was streaked with a lighter, more vibrant pink, while Eridan’s had an undercurrent of deep violet.

Dirk felt a tug at Eridan like the one he felt at Hal and moved closer. In Eridan’s chest, Dirk could see a sliver of orange light flickering under his soul. He smiled faintly, then frowned when he realized getting closer had increased the pull a startling amount.

 _“What the-”_ Dirk’s eyes widened as he realized he was slowly sliding toward Eridan. _“Oh shit shit no wait a second-”_ He tried to pull back, and his arm flashed out to brace himself against Eridan’s chair. His hand phased right through the wood as he yelped and stumbled into Eridan.

 

000

 

Roxy dropped her game as Eridan’s head smacked against the table, spilling his mug of tea.

“Eri? Holy fuck!” She abandoned her dying character and leaned over to reach for his shoulder. “Whoa, you-”

Eridan jerked up straight, then blinked a few times, looking at her as if just realizing she was in the room. “Uh, Eri?” He didn’t answer, but looked around at the kitchen.

“Ohh…” He looked back at her, then down at himself. “Oh **shit**...” He picked up the fallen mug, then reached up to touch his glasses. “Oh Jesus **fuck**.”

“Uh,” Roxy got up, “Should I get Jane-”

“No.” Eridan held his hand up to stop her, then grimaced. “O…kay. Okay. Just, give me a second.” Roxy gave him a baffled look, but nodded.

“Alright?”

“Okay.” He drummed his hands on the table. “I’m going to just…” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, shoulders relaxing and face going calm.

His eyes snapped open again and he slammed his hands on the table.

“Oh my God!” He gasped, “Oh my God, what the, what-” He went pale, then his hand fumbled up to clutch at his chest. Before Roxy could ask he had bolted out of the room, chair clattering to the ground with the sound of him thumping up the stairs.

“Hoo boy,” Roxy grumbled and got up to follow him. The noise had attracted Callie and Jane out of the living room. Jane shot Roxy a curious look but she just shrugged and jerked her head up the stairs.

Jake was out in the hallway when they came up. He gave them a baffled expression and gestured down the hall to Dirk’s room.

Roxy led the charge, walking over and peeking inside. The door appeared to have been blasted open, if the cracks were anything to go by. Dirk was sitting up, trying to calm down the hysterical Eridan clinging to him and half-crying half-shouting into his shirt.

“-SPLINTER VANISHED AND I THOUGHT YOU FUCKIN **DIED,** ” He wheezed, “You tryin to give me a heart attack!? You said you’d be careful!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Dirk patted him on the shoulder. “I’m fine. Just kinda, screwed up there. Are you ok? I didn’t hurt you-?”

“No! I’m, I’m fuckin fine.” Eridan sniffled, “I just, blacked out for a second, then couldn’t feel it and I panicked. W-What happened?” Dirk winced.

“IIII may have possessed you.”

“What.”

“Sorry. You sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah yeah.” Eridan sat back and wiped his eyes, calmer now. “You just gave me one Hell of a scare.” Roxy coughed.

“Gave us a scare too.” Roxy remarked. They jumped and turned to the crowd at the doorway. “Explanation?”

 

000

 

“So like,” Dirk dripped two tiny puddles of water onto the table. “Say this is my soul,” He pointed to the bigger one, “and this was the bit of my soul inside Eridan.” He pointed to the other. “I just kind of went like…” He used his finger to drag one puddle to the other, where they popped together into one. “-that. I absorbed it again, and I ended up in Eridan’s body in the process.” Jane rested one cheek in her hand, eyes wide.

“Could you possess **anyone**?”

“I doubt it. It was Eridan’s splinter that pulled me in in the first place, like a magnet.” Dirk glanced at Eridan out of the corner of his eye. He was staring into space, lost in thought. Missing the splinter, Dirk couldn’t tell what he was feeling, but he could sure as Hell feel his own anxiety building up. Sharing a soul had been a pretty ok deal so far, but having it make someone open to random possession might put a strain on it.

“Well anyways.” Roxy drummed her fingers against the table. “Astral projection’s pretty neat. You think you got a handle on it?”

“I can do it at will now. With a little more practice I’ll probably be good.”

“Cool,” She beamed, “So, any idea what we should have for dinner?”

 

000

 

Evening found Dirk and Eridan alone in the living room. Jane and Jake had gone out to hunt down some imps. Callie and Roxy were upstairs. Dirk was presently trying to beat his cup of coffee in a stare-off as he tried to figure out how to breach the subject. Maybe he would just leave it.

“You driftin off?” Eridan asked, making Dirk’s head snap up at him.

“What?”

“Just wonderin if you were driftin out a your body or somethin.”

“I have it under control now.” Dirk dug his nails into his palms. “Uh…”

Eridan’s gaze flickered to the side.  “So…” He looked a little uncomfortable himself. Dirk pursed his lips. He needed to get this out.

“Do you want the splinter back?” Shit, did that sound too harsh? Too demanding? “You don’t have to,” He continued quickly. And now it sounded like he didn’t want him to. “I mean, I get if you don’t, because we didn’t know it could open you up to goddamn possession. I’m sure we can still be cool without it. Just-”

“I don’t mind,” Eridan interrupted him. He had a mug in his hands, and gripped it tightly in his lap. “I was, worried you wouldn’t want to since like, if it messed with your projectin…”

“That’s not a problem,” Dirk answered quickly, “I’ll just be careful. I figured you’d be more freaked out of over it, since I basically ended up crashing into your body and taking you over.” Eridan shook his head.

“It wasn’t that bad. Felt weird at first and then I just woke up when you left.” He scratched his cheek. “I mean, I wouldn’t even mind it happenin again if you warned me. Could be useful for like, strategy or somethin.”

“I guess.” Dirk let a little of his uncertainness slip into his tone. “But, are you sure? It doesn’t freak you out?” Eridan shrugged.

“Nah, it’s you. I trust you not to run me into a wall or anythin. It’s kinda odd to imagine, but I don’t mind havin you inside me or whatever.”

Dirk set his mouth closed tight. Eridan blinked, then nearly dropped his mug.

“Oh my God,” Eridan smacked his hands over his face. “Oh my God, oh my fuckin God.”

“You wouldn’t mind me inside of you.”

“I didn’t mean to say it like that!”

“It’s cool, man. Happens to everyone.”

“New plan, give me the splinter **after** I get over the embarrassment.”

“Right.”

Dirk coughed, then quickly turned away and reached for his coffee to avoid looking at Eridan.

Now that Dirk thought about it, now that he **just so happened to be thinking about it at this exact time,** and this was probably the **worst** time in the world right now, but now that Eridan brought it up, even accidentally, it was kind of a thing they had not done yet, and Dirk was kind of wondering and kind of wanted to continue the topic about not just “not minding” but maybe “wanting” but this really was the worst time for it nope nope not furthering it. Fuck.

Eridan’s face had gone beat red but he peeled one hand away to put his mug on the table before muttering a goodbye and skittering off upstairs. Dirk took a long drink. That conversation was for another day.

 

000

 

turntechGodhead began pestering timeausTestified

 

TG: so its pretty cool you can do the whole soul flying around thing now

TG: like im pretty sure if john were here hed make some bullshit comparison to ghostbusters or whatever movie its like

TG: but nah man this is on a whole different level here

TG: were not talking shitty old movie cool

TG: were talking strider cool

TG: cause thats what we do were all just so damn cool for the world bodies cant even hold us

TG: the universe is just like

TG: what pal you want to hop out of your body and go flying around wherever you want

TG: well usually the management up there would be like hell na but of course wed make an expectation because youre a strider and thats what striders do if they wanna go hopping out of their bodies to tool around as a ghost theyre gonna fucking do it

TG: or well yknow

TG: at least the heart aspects will

TG: so uh how is it

TG: being able to fly around and stuff

TG: can you like touch things

TG: can people see you

TG: you mentioned possession being a thing which is awesome like that is so fucking awesome i dont even know how to tell you like the sickest raps could not illustrate how sick that is

TG: they could try and try and probably end up burning everyones shit to ash but it just wouldnt be able to touch that single blazing supernova thats how awesome that whole thing is

TG: and eventually it would be like

TT: Dave.

TT: I’m looking into it, but so far not every Heart Aspect can do it. It’s uncommon.

TT: Any Heart Aspect can see someone in their soul form, and being like that might leave them in a vulnerable position against other Heart Aspects.

TT: And I can’t travel any farther than about 100ft from my body. With practice, maybe farther, but I doubt I’m going to be able to go off and see China while sitting in my living room.

TT: I can’t touch anything. I can only walk on the ground because I’m imagining I am.

TT: Possession’s only possible if I have a piece of my soul already implanted in them.

TG: oh

TG: cool

TT: I’m going to make a device that would let non-Heart Aspects sense if someone is ghosting around in their vicinity.

TT: Oh joy, another project that is not making an android.

TT: Shut up Hal.

TG: cool

TT: Are you ok?

TG: well shit of course i am i am cool as a fucking cucumber here

TG: this vegetable has reach absolute zero

TT: Right.

TT: Well see you then.

TG: right uh

TG: thanks

 

turntechGodhead ceased pestering timeausTestified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel kind of off about how this chapter came out, like the pacing's kind of weird, or maybe that's just me.
> 
> Eridan loses the sliver to Scratch and scares the shit out of Dirk. Dirk reabsorbs the sliver and scares the shit out of Eridan. They're even.
> 
> To relieve Dave of his totally non-existent fear, Bro cannot astral project, because it requires relaxing and giving up control of yourself to let your soul drift out of your body.
> 
> Oh man can you imagine if Dirk had gotten sucked in with Hal instead?
> 
>  
> 
> Hal: Do you suppose this experience will make you more sympathetic to my desire for a body?  
> Dirk: Shut up and text a Heart Aspect who can fix this and who I can pay to never mention it again.


	4. I don't want you dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kanaya and Eridan reconcile already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I have been busy. ;-;
> 
> Look if Eridan is going to get reconciling convos with Karkat, Sollux and Feferi then he's sure as Hell getting one for Kanaya.
> 
> Warning there's going to be blood and violence.

Kanaya greeted him today. “Good morning,” A quiet two words as she passed him that still managed to have Eridan dropping his book and last night’s homework. He scrambled to collect them, and when he looked up again she had taken her seat. He scurried to his own, resisting sneaking a glance at her. Instead he took his phone out under his desk.

 

caligulasAquarium  began pestering tipsyGnostalgic

 

CA: rox

CA: kan spoke to me

TG: oh shit

TG: whatd she want

CA: she said good morning

CA: whats it mean

TG: uh

TG: usually it means “hi and its mornin”

CA: no rox I mean

CA: whats it MEAN

CA: does she want me to talk to her does she just feel like she has to did she think i was someone else i have no idea and im freakin out

TG: well i mean

TG: aint you basically cool with alternia now?

CA: id say more détente

CA: and kan we didnt speak even through all that crap

CA: feelins were a little stronger ya know

TG: i guess??

TG: tbh you dont talk bout it much so

TG: she the one who broke your nose?

CA: yeah

CA: and honestly if shes still pissed at me forever id respect that

TG: aw

TG: well maybe shes not??

CA: yeah well i aint riskin it

TG: you dont wanna like

TG: try and talk to her?

CA: well

 

He peeked at her out of the corner of his eye. Kanaya’s eyes flickered over to him and her mouth turned down. He quickly ducked his head back down again.

 

CA: nope nope not at all

TG: aw cmon

TG: i dare ya

CA: rox no

TG: rox yes

TG: eri yes

TG: doit

CA: ugh

 

He wrinkled his nose as he stowed his phone away. Easy for Roxy to say. It’s not like Eridan had her incredible social skills, or even middling social skills for that matter. Still, what was the worst that could happen from a simple hello?

Best not to think about that.

Class ended, and he gathered up all his belongings with the confidence of a rabbit facing a lawnmower. Kanaya was arranging her things neatly away. He stood awkwardly beside her desk for awhile, then cleared his throat.

“Yes?” She asked without looking up. Eridan flinched, then dug his hands into his pockets.

“Uh, how are ya?”

“Fine, thank you.”

“Good!” Too loud, that was too loud. “Uh,” He floundered, “It’s, the, weather’s been pretty nice?” Kanaya finally looked up at him, her eyebrows crinkled into such an elegant expression of “are you shitting me right now?” and Eridan had already remembered the downpour he had just spent an hour staring at out the window.

“Water.” He said blankly. “Good, for the plants.” Kanaya closed her bag, then nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

“Goodbye.” Eridan declared, then turned and managed to walk toward the door instead of into the wall.

 

000

 

“Wow,” Dirk tossed Eridan a soda from the fridge, “Is she really that intimidating?” Eridan grimaced as he popped the tab.

“I guess? I get anxious whenever we’re in the same vicinity.”

“You think she’d attack you?”

“No, it’s not that,” Eridan sighed, “I’m just, it’s awkward, is all.”

“I figure, but-” Dirk fell silent, then raised one finger as he pulled his ringing phone out and put it to his ear. “Roxy? Yeah, Eridan and I are in the kitchen.” He paused, then gave a low whistle. “Here? Alright, we’re coming.” He hung up to face Eridan. “We’ve got a mess to clean up.”

 

000

 

Roxy looked up as Dirk’s motorcycle screeched up in front of her.

“Sup.” Dirk popped his helmet off and smoothed his hair out. Eridan climbed off, pulling his own helmet off.

“So-” Eridan asked, “did Dirk hear you right when you said there was a **lich** in town?”

“Seems so.” Roxy wrinkled her nose. “It’s sneakin around. We’ve got Beta and Alternia here lookin too.”

“Have you guys ever uh,” Eridan looked around the empty street, “fought a lich?”

“Nope.” Dirk drew his katana out. “Heard of them, at least. Where’s Jake, Jane, and Callie?”

“Callie’s staying home. Jake is scanning the area in angel form. Jane’s patrolling with Beta.” Roxy got to her feet, rifle in hand. “Poor Callie, she wanted to see it.”

“Not worth her getting her head chopped off,” Dirk answered, “What part are we taking?”

“These three blocks.” Roxy gestured to the street they were on. “Then we’re going to meet Rose, Dave, and Kanaya at the end.” She shot Eridan a quick glance then looked down the street again. “Stay on your toes now, alright?”

“Course.” Eridan drew his wand out. “Liches, fast and sharp, right? Hang on.” He raised one hand. The angels took his cue and zoomed out ahead of him.

“The angels?” Dirk asked. Eridan nodded.

“They’re startin to make half-decent scouts. If they can ever learn the difference between an imp and a stray cat.”

“Oh my God, Eri,” Roxy shoved herself up next to him, “if your angels find a stray cat you know I’ve got dibs, right?” Eridan snorted and smacked her on the shoulder.

“I’ll let you know. Let’s go.”

They started out, keeping in close formation as they walked down the street. Eridan kept his ears pricked for any noise or call of the angels.

A loud clang had them all whirling around. Roxy raised her hand, then slowly crept over to look.

A black shadow rushed toward her and a single sickle-like claw sliced through her middle, passing harmlessly through her intangibility. Eridan jerked his wand up and fired but it slid out of the way. It moved across the ground like running water, and its claws whipped up lightning fast to catch Dirk’s sword.

Eridan threw his hand out at the monster and shouted, calling the angels to materialize and charge it from all sides while Dirk jumped back. The lich didn’t hesitate and charged in the direction of one. It swept one claw right down the angel’s head, cleaving it in two. The angel self-destructed, startling the lich for a few seconds as Eridan rushed forward. It turned to face him and raised its claws. Faltering meant death, Eridan grit his teeth and hurled his fist into its chest. He felt his Hope rush through into the monster right before pain bit sharp and deep into his arm.

The lich exploded as his knees hit the ground. His arm suddenly felt too light.

Some warm fluid gushed onto his leg. He looked down. Blood. That was blood. Liches didn’t bleed, or at least imps and basilisks didn’t.  Dirk was shouting. Roxy was shouting. He couldn’t hear them over the angels.

His arm hurt. He should look into that. He turned his head but someone grabbed him from behind, and a hand went over his eyes.

“Don’t look.” Dirk sounded pretty freaked out over something. “Don’t, oh Jesus **fuck**.”

“Jane’s comin. Eri,” Dirk took his hand off and Eridan saw Roxy in front of him. She cupped his cheeks in both hands, face urgent. “Eri lookit me, ok?”

“Why’re ya cryin?” He mumbled, then winced as Dirk wrapped something really tight around his arm. “Fuck, Dirk, that, ow.”

“It’s fine.” Dirk murmured into his ear. “It’s fine, you’re fine. Hold still.”

“Hurts…” His vision was starting to swim. He felt dizzy. He wanted to lie down. He heard a voice behind him.

“Let me see.”

He tried to turn around but Roxy was still holding onto him. Dirk paused, then shifted back to hold Eridan’s shoulders instead.

“Can you fix it?” He asked.

“I believe so,” Kanaya answered. “Help me hold it steady. Take off the sleeve.”

“Dirk,” Eridan muttered, “Wha-”

“It’s ok.” Dirk squeezed his shoulder, then rolled up his sleeve. Eridan blinked. Since when was he wearing short sleeves? He never wore short sleeves. His sleeve had been cut. His-

He couldn’t feel his arm.

That was probably bad. That was definitely bad. He was pretty sure it was bad. God, he was dizzy. And cold. Why was it so cold all of a sudden?

Wait, was that Kanaya? Holding his shoulder? He yelped as a rush of tingling shot up his arms and tried to jerk away but Dirk held him firm, murmuring into his ear to soothe him. Eridan whined but held still. He didn’t really feel like moving anyways. He felt drowsy. He rested his head back against Dirk’s shoulder. Dirk was warm. He was saying something again, but sleep was already dragging Eridan down. The world went darker and darker until his eyelids wouldn’t stay open.

 

000

 

Eridan woke up to a white room and a persistent ache in his arm. He turned his head and found Dirk sitting beside him, staring at him. His shades were missing, and he looked a mix of incredibly tired and relieved.

“Hey,” Dirk said.

“Hey,” Eridan mumbled back. “What ‘appened?”

“Well,” Dirk clapped his hands together, resting them over his chin. “I’ve got, several tidbits of info for you. You ready?” Eridan blinked slowly. He felt numb, half asleep, and aching.

“Sure,” He answered.

“Your arm got chopped off by the lich,” Dirk stuck one finger out, “Maryam managed to reattach it,” Eridan looked down at his right arm, bandaged, “You are in a hospital,” Dirk said with another finger. Eridan winced. “The others are waiting outside to assault you with hugs, Roxy’s got first dibs, you should probably talk to Kanaya.”

Eridan groaned and closed his eyes. “I don’t wanna.”

“Come on, man.”

“What am I supposed to say to her??” He flicked his uninjured arm up in irritation. “‘Hey thanks for gluin my arm back on, how’ve ya been?’”

“It would be a start.”

“No it wouldn’t!” Eridan hissed, “I mean, I’m grateful a course she went outta her way to save me. I should definitely express that but-” He led off, then pouted and stared at the wall.

“Well,” Dirk shrugged, “At least we know she doesn’t want you losing any limbs.”

“I **guess**.” Eridan looked back down at his arm, eyes lingering on the Hope mark before sweeping up to his bandages. “Do you have my clothes?”

“I got some new ones,” Dirk brought a bundle out of his sylladex, “The ones you were wearing were ruined. You’re probably going to be stuck here for awhile though. At least until your blood loss-”

“I wanna change now.” Eridan started to pick at the IV in his left arm.

“Eridan,” Dirk started. Eridan ignored him as he pulled the needle out carefully, then tapped the bandage down with a grimace. “Eridan.”

“Gimme.” Eridan reached out for the clothes. “…Please??” Dirk sighed and tossed him the bundle.

“Please tell me you aren’t going to try and get up.”

“I feel fine.” Eridan wrestled himself out of his hospital gown. “And I just, I want my clothes back.”

Dirk didn’t say anything as he got his shirt on, then managed to wiggle into his pants as well. Eridan took a deep breath, then swung his legs around over the bed. Dirk stood up. Eridan shot him a challenging glare, but Dirk just offered a hand to him. He helped him up, then kept a supporting arm around his waist.

“Door?” Dirk asked, and Eridan nodded.

“Thanks. I can, walk, I think.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” They shuffled over to the door. Eridan swiped at the knob with his left hand, “Yeah I’m fine, I’m-” He shoved the door open. “Fuck.”

Kanaya blinked rapidly in surprise. Dirk stood closer to Eridan with a hand on his shoulder, which was really nice and comforting **but at the same time was keeping Eridan from backing up and that wasn’t so great**.

“Should you be standing?” Kanaya asked after a few seconds of awkwardly holding each other’s gazes.

“Probably not,” Dirk answered when Eridan didn’t say anything, then discreetly nudged Eridan in the back.

“Uh,” Eridan said, “I, uh, thanks for gluin my arm back on.” He reached up to rub the back of his head, “Uh, how’ve ya been?”

“Well enough.” She answered calmly. “I was just stopping by to see how you were recovering.”

“Why?” He asked, then slapped his hand over his mouth. “I mean, sorry, thanks. I mean thank you, for, that.” Eridan felt Dirk laughing on the inside and tried to give him the emotional equivalent of an elbow jab.

Kanaya’s eyes crinkled a bit, and it almost looked like pity, or just absolute confusion at how much of a moron he was being. She moved her gaze past Eridan to give Dirk a meaningful look. He very slowly raised one eyebrow at her. The stared at each other wordlessly for a few seconds.

“…Ok.” Dirk finally said, then wrapped both hands around Eridan’s waist. Before Eridan could protest Dirk hoisted him up and carried him over to the bed, setting him down again. He then turned back to Kanaya.

“You’re dating my cousin,” He said, “And you seem cool, but I’m not leaving you two alone. Just,” He made some vague gesture as he backed up toward the corner, “pretend I’m not here.”

Kanaya rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue. Eridan sat awkwardly on the bed, trying to ignore the ache in his arm and the anxiety bubbling up in his stomach. Dirk sent him a little bit of encouragement, and Eridan was thankful he hadn’t left.

Kanaya wasn’t saying anything. She was just watching him, peering at him, as if he were some word search or optical illusion she was trying to figure out in her head. He fumbled his hands together, locking his fingers up tight in a way that had his injury throbbing.

“I’m sorry,” He blurted out, “About, everything, uh, punchin you, and, stuff. I hope it didn’t, hurt too much?” He winced, then tilted his head back to stare up at the ceiling. He couldn’t bear to see her expression to that.

“…It,” His head snapped back as she began to speak, slowly. Her hands were clasped in front of her, and her eyes were half-lidded, deep in thought. “The blow hurt less so, than the fact that you did it. Is that worded in a way that it makes sense?”

“Uh,” Eridan glanced at Dirk, who made a shooing motion to indicate he look back at Kanaya again. He quickly swiveled back around. “I think so? I hurt your feelins? I mean-” He paused, swallowed, then took a deep breath.

“It was the fact that I,” He started, “that, the friendship we had didn’t seem to mean anything. That hurt more, didn’t it?” His shoulders slumped. “But I **didn’t** wanna. I didn’t- I wasn’t thinkin. You weren’t even part a that crap. I just, sorry.” He grimaced and brought his hand up to his mouth. _“If I start cryin now I’m gonna die of embarrassment.”_

“Perhaps I did not do well to diffuse the situation either,” Kanaya answered, a little unsurely. Eridan rubbed at one of the small scars on the side of his nose.

“It was pretty badass, at least.”

“Thank you.”

“Is there,” He ran his hand over the bedsheets, trying to work off the nervous energy. “Is there a reason you um, felt like patchin this up now?”

“Well,” She rested her chin on one hand, “I certainly didn’t want you to lose an arm if I could help it. Part of it,” Her eyes flickered down at his arm, “I suppose I came to believe, you must have sustained some similar emotional harm that we did. Another piece was the other members of Alternia had come to settle down on the issue. The last,” She looked embarrassed all of a sudden. Eridan blinked.

“What?”

“Yes well,” Kanaya cleared her throat. “Rose may have encouraged it, especially since it appears we have **both** been invited to the Strider-Lalonde Thanksgiving meal this year.” Eridan took a moment to process the words, then his mouth went dry.

“Oh,” He said. Dirk took that moment to clear his throat as well.

“Uh, FYI, my dad’s coming too.”

“Oh,” Eridan repeated, this time quite a bit higher. “That sounds, great.”

“Well then,” Kanaya offered a slight bow, “I’ll leave you to recover, or the rest of your gang to break through the nurses’ barricade and swarm you, whichever. Good day.”

“Bye,” He answered lightly. She turned and left, closing the door behind her. Eridan turned to Dirk.

“Cut my arm off.”

“Eridan.”

“Say I died a sudden and inexplicable complications.”

“Eridan.”

“HEY!” They jumped as Roxy kicked the door open with a resounding bang. “ERI YOU **FUCK** YOU BETTER NOT BE DEAD.” She saw he was sitting up and promptly tackled him back down again in a hug. Jane, Jake and Callie followed her through the door to swarm around the bed.

“How’s your arm?” Jane lifted his elbow up to examine it. “Can you feel your fingers? Does it hurt?”

“M’fine,” He mumbled, one arm still slung around Roxy clinging to him. “Mar, Kan, she knew what she was doin.”

“My God.” Roxy sat up and inhaled sharply through her nose. “That was **terrifyin**. You sure you’re ok, Eri? You feel alright?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”

“Did your arm really come off?” Callie’s voice was high with fear as she asked, staring at the bandage around the injury.

“It’s fine!” He answered hastily, waving his hand to comfort her, which made him wince. “Well, I mean probably. How healed am I?”

“Kanaya fixed the bone and most of the muscles,” Jane answered, “The hospital still had to give you stiches,” She chuckled faintly. “Hoo hoo! The hospital staff was quite baffled. But we got things cleared up enough, I suppose.”

“Uh-huh.” Eridan resisted rubbing at it. He glanced over toward the door. Roxy caught him looking and shuffled over next to him.

“We uh, passed Kanaya on the way here. You guys talk?” He nodded.

“Yeah.”

“How’d that go?”

“Ok, I guess.”

“How do you feel?”

“I feel…” He frowned, then wrapped his left arm around his stomach. Roxy cocked her head to the side.

“Yeah?”

“Hungry.”

Roxy laughed, and was joined by the others in a round of chuckles.

“Think Eridan’s tip-top enough to head down to the cafeteria?” Jake asked as he bounced to his feet.

“I don’t wanna eat hospital food,” Eridan complained as Dirk helped him stand up. Roxy gave him a sympathetic smile.

“I dunno if they’re gonna discharge ya yet.”

“My arm ain’t gonna fall off again is’t?”

“You shouldn’t be moving it though,” Dirk pointed out.

“How’m I supposed to eat then?”

“I’ll feed you.”

Eridan flushed red as the others giggled. “Well I guess I can’t **complain**.” He muttered as they headed for the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the extended hand of friendship needs to be chopped off at the elbow for any real progress to be made.  
> Someone requested Eridan meeting Dirk's dad at Thanksgiving so I guess I'm gonna be writing that next chapter even if it's a week or two late sorry.
> 
> Callie was awesome in the final battle but she's not really a fighter she doesn't like fighting so she's staying home.


	5. One Big Happy Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dirk's dad is a little shit, Eridan nearly pisses himself, and Rose ultimately gets the last laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By request! The Thanksgiving dinner with Dirk's dad. Now with added Kanaya.
> 
> When will Eridan's suffering end? Never.
> 
> I've decided the entire Strider-Lalonde family as a bloc are all little shits that are totally willing to go along with whatever the other is doing if it looks entertaining. Together is when they're most powerful.

The sound of cutlery had never sounded so judgmental. Eridan fiddled with his fork, trying to work off the nervous energy rushing through him. Across from him sat Dirk’s father, stone-faced as he sliced and ate his turkey, watching Eridan without so much as a glance at his food. Though it was a little hard to tell if he was actually looking at Eridan since he was wearing a large pair of aviators, just like Dave’s and wow now that Eridan had thought of it he really couldn’t unsee the resemblance between the two.

Dirk was sitting next to Eridan, eating but glancing over at him every now and then. Kanaya was on Dirk’s other side, keeping an enthusiastic conversation with Rose’s mom. Eridan struggled to keep his groan internal. The last person he wanted to be compared to in this situation was Kanaya Maryam.

Roxy’s mom was here too, quietly eating beside Dirk’s dad. While she was not so obvious, Eridan caught her sneaking a glance at either him or Kanaya, like a scientist observing some new experiment.

“Ya know,” Roxy finally spoke up, “Eri, uncle Dave, eventually yer gonna have to do somethin besides stare at each other like fuckin deer.”

“Language, dear,” Her mom murmured behind her drink, “At least at the dinner table.” Roxy snorted.

“I learned that word from your books.”

Eridan quickly ducked his head down at his meal. He heard Dirk sigh behind his hand.

“Dad, stop trying to freak him out.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The man shrugged and held up both hands. “So, Eridan, your Admiral-Captain-whatever Ampora’s son, right?”

“Uh,” Eridan tamped down his mashed potatoes. “Yeah.”

“Hm,” Dirk’s dad rubbed his chin. “I can kinda see the resemblance. And you’re a Hope Aspect like him, right? But a Prince?”

“Yeah,” Eridan focused on speaking clearly. Mumbling wouldn’t reflect well.

“Mm.” The man continued to stare at him without so much as a twitch of his lips. Eridan finally worked up the courage to shove a forkful of food into his mouth. At least it was going better than meeting his **own** dad. He supposed things could be worse.

“Anyways,” Dirk’s dad reached over for the bottle of sparkling apple juice, “Sorry my husband couldn’t make it. You know how he is.”

Eridan did a spectacular save from spitting out his food. Meanwhile, everyone at the table abruptly turned to look at Dirk’s father, and Eridan felt Dirk’s emotions spaz for a second.

“I uh,” Eridan patted his chest a bit and swallowed. Dirk had never mentioned a second guardian. Eridan glanced down at his dad’s fingers, but they were bare.

No way to phrase his thoughts without sounding like an asshole, Eridan decided to stay silent. Instead he looked around helplessly to figure out what was going on with everyone else. Dave was taking an unusually long drink of juice. Rose was slicing her food with a tight mouth as if to resist a smile. Roxy looked, incredibly interested in something.

“Oh it’s cool!” Rose’s mom laughed and made a careless gesture with her hand. “He missed meeting lil Eri though.”

“I know,” Dirk’s dad sighed and shrugged, “totally irresponsible. I’m worried he doesn’t want to spend time with his stepson.” He glanced over at Dirk, who’s face had gone completely deadpan. Eridan was sensing a weird collection of emotions from him. If he had to define it, it would be somewhat of a mix of “bitch you better not” and intense curiosity.

Worrying.

“I am a little disappointed he didn’t come.” Rose twirled her fork over her hand. “I never thanked him for his Christmas present last year.”

“Same,” Dave added, more like an afterthought.

“I’ll pass it along,” Dirk’s dad promised. “Remember to make some lists for this year, kiddos.”

 “Oh, Jesus,” Dirk covered both his hands, “Guys, can we **not**?”

“Not what?” Rose asked innocently, “Talk about your **dear** stepfather?”

Eridan tapped his fingers against the table nervously. In a desperate attempt for understanding he leaned over to meet Kanaya’s eyes. She just shrugged with an unknowing expression.

“He’s a great guy,” Dirk’s dad continued, “Even if he didn’t want to come. He was blunt as usual, said he’d rather quote,” He made quotation marks with his hands, “deal with the seventeenth circle of Hell that was his own family than deal with the absolute bullfuckery that was our happy little gaggle of idiots.” Several members of the family snorted at that, and Eridan even managed a weak chuckle.

“He sounds a little like uh,” Eridan made a vague gesture, “Kar. Vantas.” He froze as Dirk’s dad turned to look him straight in the eye, and one eyebrow cocked up just a little.

“He is a Vantas.” Eridan blinked.

“Uh, what?”

“That’s his last name. Kept it even after we married.” Dirk’s dad propped up his cheek with his hand, drumming one finger against his cheek in thought. “Actually, I think he’s got a nephew about your age. Uh…Knight of Blood?”

Kanaya choked on her meal. Eridan nearly stabbed his hand with his fork.

“Oh my Goooood,” Roxy whispered loud enough everyone heard. Dirk slammed his silverware down.

“Are you **fucking** kidding me right now?” He hissed.

“Language,” Roxy’s mom reminded him gently.

“I’ll drag him along next time,” Dirk’s dad said brightly, “You can hang with the whole family for Christmas or something.”

“’S-Scuse me.” Eridan whimpered as he slid out of his seat, hands gripping the table for support. He had gone stark white, and stared wide-eyed into nothing. “I’m gonna, be right back.”

“Eridan-” Dirk started but Eridan had already escaped the table and gone stumbling off to some unknown corner of the house, hopefully one with a bathroom he could throw up in.

Dirk’s head whipped around to glare at his dad.

“You don’t have a husband,” He growled. His dad threw his head back and laughed, banging his hand against the table.

“Holy **shit** did you see the twerp’s face?” His façade completely broke as he smacked his hand over his forehead. “Vantas is a work-buddy of mine, and I heard about the whole thing through the rumor mills. Shit,” His grin was a mile wide as he wiped his eyes under his glasses, “Oh man, I think he shit himself.”

“You’re a child,” Dirk grumbled as he shoved himself up. “You’re all children for going along with that. I’m going to find him.”

“I’ll apologize later,” Dirk’s dad chuckled and slumped back in his chair, “But man, no offense but that English kid was never any fun to tease. This guy is great.”

“Children!” Dirk shoved and accusing finger at him before he stalked out. Dirk’s dad snorted.

“Kids these days have no sense of humor.” He steepled his hands together with a smirk. “Dave Strider Sr: 1, boyfriend: 0.”

“Dave, please pass the salt,” Rose spoke up abruptly, with more urgency than the situation demanded. Both Dave and Dirk’s dad reached for the shaker on instinct and their head’s clonked together. Roxy’s mother smiled.

“Yes, we are certainly in awe of the brilliant movie director.”

“That was a low move,” Dirk’s dad complained as he fixed his glasses. “She probably spent the entire meal navigating that saltshaker to the perfect spot.” Rose hummed as she poured herself some more juice.

“Guilty as charged.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Miscellaneous Deities Thank You For Making The Parental Figure I Must Impress Not Be Dirk Striders
> 
> Eridan may have somewhat reconciled with Karkat but he is NOT ready to be potentially related to him in any form or have to meet him at family gatherings.
> 
> Honestly I think the only reason I didn't actually make it canon was because it could have possibly changed Dirk and Karkat's relationship and also Kankri would be his stepbrother.  
> Little does Dave know that if Beforus Karkat is even half the romantic that Karkat is, he'll never be able to escape the Pretend Marriage trope and they'll be together within the year.


	6. Victorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan and Dirk get their dance, and declare "fuck you" to a whole lot of other people in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a month and I am sorry but the good news is I ALSO have a New Years chapter in progress that I will hopefully get up by tomorrow.
> 
> I've wanted to do this scene for AGES like it was originally going to be in the main story but I couldn't find a place for it and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.
> 
> I feel like Eridan and Dirk are, just a little famous as a couple. Like "Hey you know that Prince of Hope who blew up the Black King and was involved in all that stuff with project Cherubim? Now he's dating the other Prince from Team Alpha." "What, the scary one who looks like he could snap your neck with one arm?" "Yeah." "Fuck."

“<No.>” Dirk signed to Kurloz for what was probably the 8th time this night. “<This is not up for debate.>”

“<I see your reluctance, my brother,>” Kurloz signed back with a careful expression, “<But consider there be all kinds of motherfucking **advantage** to it. Motherfuckers be shitting their pants when they catch sight. Psychological warfare be real. >”

“<I don’t care.>” Dirk made the gesture with a little more force than he had to. He could be talking, but he wasn’t sure he wanted everyone hearing the conversation. “<The Bard’s outfit design will not feature a codpiece. You are **not** allowed to throw this idea at Callie. >” Kurloz pouted. “<You’re not even a Bard. Not that I want this suggestion for the Prince’s, because then both me and Eridan suffer. **You** can wear a codpiece all you want.>”

“<It’s for my motherfucking little cousin.>”

“<Then **he** can wear a codpiece all he wants.>” Dirk turned away and gave a curt goodbye to end the conversation, ignoring the disappointed scowl on Kurloz.

He headed over to join Eridan, which made a much smoother exit than just walking away to go stand by the wall alone. Eridan nodded to him as he approached.

“That didn’t look like a fun conversation,” He remarked as he jerked his chin over to Kurloz.

“It wasn’t.” Dirk rubbed the heel of his hand against his temple and leaned back against the wall. “How’re you doing?”

“Terrible,” Eridan grunted before taking a sip of his drink, “Why’d we come to this party? The hosts hate us. I’m suspicious as to why they even invited us.”

“They don’t hate us,” Dirk answered, “things are just a little tense after all the business with SBURB and Callie. They invited us as kind of a warming ‘sorry we kind of tried to kill you or at least that one member of your gang.’” Eridan just grumbled more into his cup.

“Dirk,” He muttered, “they hate…” He made some flapping motion between them, “they hate **us**.” Dirk frowned and his eyes narrowed.

“What did they say?”

“They didn’t, **say** anythin.” Eridan reached up to curl his fingers against the back of his neck. “It’s, they’ve been glaring at us.”

“That could just be the tension from the past,” Dirk pointed out, “there’s probably at least a little bit of wariness after all that.”

“Yeah that’s what I **thought** ,” Eridan snapped a bit on the last word, “but they’ve got a Hope Aspect on their team, with some chatterbox angels.”

Dirk was silent for a bit, then he moved over a little closer to him.

“What do they say?” He asked again. Eridan huffed.

“They’re scared. Skittish little things. I heard them talkin about the Princes. The big scary princes,” He swallowed, then buried his nose into his drink.  “Dangerous princes that shouldn’t be together. Well, fuck them an’ their fuckin irrelevant opinions.” Dirk rested a hand on his shoulder, then scanned the crowd. He picked out the host members of the gang. The Mage at the DJ stand, the Knight over by the drinks, the Rogue over by the stairs…

He made eye-contact with the Knight, who had been attempting to subtly peek at them. The Knight started and in that moment Dirk reached out internally. His Aspect marks glowed just a little, not enough to notice. Dirk was no Seer or Mage, but he should be able to manage this.

Fear, surprise, nervousness. Wisps of emotion floated over to him. Not much, but just an inkling.

Eridan mumbled something into his cup and Dirk turned to face him.

“What?”

“M’I dangerous?” His fingers dug into the plastic cup, “Do I seem like a threat?”

“Eridan,” Dirk shifted his arm around his shoulders, “Within the Aspect community, we are the biggest power-couple in the city. It makes people nervous. Screw them.”

“I don’t,” Eridan leaned into his hold a bit, “I don’t mind bein recognized for strength. They fuckin **better**. But I don’t-” He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, then released it in a heavy sigh. “I don’t wanna be seen as the resident **time-bomb** everyone needs to keep an eye on.”

“No one thinks of you like that,” Dirk said, “No one important anyways. No one in Alpha, or Beta, or even Alternia probably.” Eridan grumbled something under his breath, but Dirk could feel his grief loosening. They stood silent for awhile, watching the rest of the party.

Eridan’s eyes followed the crowd of dancers moving across the floor. “Y’know,” He mused, “I never got that dance.”

“You wanted one?” Dirk asked. Eridan shot him a bemused glare.

“Well I was just thinkin,” Eridan looked back at the dancefloor, “Back to when I was givin you a hard time at Callie’s first party.”

“You wanted to dance back then?” Dirk’s voice was genuinely a little surprised. Eridan snorted.

“Not really. I was just curious.” Eridan smiled faintly, “It was nice though, teachin you how. Even if you did tread on my feet more often than not. Give it a couple more years and you might be decent.” He jabbed Dirk lightly in the ribs and sent him a bit of joking emotion. Dirk didn’t respond. He was watching the dancers now too, and listening to the slow tempo of the music.

“Let’s do it.” Dirk said suddenly. Eridan turned his head to give him a blank look.

“What?”

“You want to dance?” Dirk dropped his arm to take his wrist. “I remember the steps. Let’s do it.”

The music faded to its final notes, and another, slow tempo began. Eridan looked uncertain, fidgeting with his cup.

“Dirk, there’s a lotta people here we don’t know well. Gonna be right embarrassin if we screw this up.”

“It’s a slow-dance.”

“What if people glare at us?”

“Then we can flip them off with our existence and be the fluffiest goddamn couple on that floor,” Dirk answered deadpan. Eridan laughed a little at that.

“I’ve been practicing.” Dirk added, “Promise, I can at least do that simple one you showed me.” Eridan nibbled on his lip a bit, then jerked his chin up.

“You gotta ask me right.” Dirk blinked.

“What?”

“Ask me like-” Eridan’s cheeks tinged pink and he wouldn’t look him in the eye, but his mouth was set and determined. “-nicely.”

Dirk grinned, then tucked one arm behind his back. His eyes never left Eridan’s as he slowly leaned down and lifted his hand up to brush his lips against his knuckles.

“Dance?”

Eridan’s cheesy grin was so worth it. Dirk led him to the floor. He was already running through the steps in his head, but he didn’t miss the few sour looks they got. Jealous bastards. He turned his gaze over to the side and spotted Roxy yanking on Jane’s arm to get her attention. She pointed over to Dirk and shot them an excited grin. Dirk nodded to her and turned his attention to Eridan, clasping one of his hands and settling another around his waist.

“You leading?” Dirk asked. Eridan nodded, trying to look composed. The sparkle in his eyes and the giddy feeling in his soul was making it a poor ruse though.

“Left foot-” He started but the music changed abruptly, making them and several other dancers look up. A fast beat and guitar began to beat through the air, and the couples dancing either retired or switched to match it. Slow moving couples turned into jumping groups and waving arms. Dirk scowled up at the DJ section.

“That fucker did that on purpose.” He turned back to Eridan, who was staring down at the ground.

“We can dance at a better party,” Dirk said gently, “Rose will have better music selection too.” He started to step away but Eridan’s grip on his hand tightened suddenly and his other hand at his waist yanked him back. Dirk stumbled back into place with a surprised expression.

“Eridan?”

Eridan raised his head, and Dirk recognized that look: a fierce determination that was going to carve a path to his goal.

Hoo boy.

“We’re still doin it,” Eridan declared, “Faster tempo, but we can manage with some improvisations.”

“Improvisations.” Dirk cocked an eyebrow at him, “Eridan I am not above saying this idea seems out of my league.”

“Yeah well,” Eridan shot back, “it was pretty outta my league to be fighting a member a the Felt with kendo1.” Dirk blinked slowly, trying to follow the reasoning.

“So-?” He finally asked. Eridan rolled his eyes.

“So **feel**.” Dirk felt a strong nudge from Eridan’s soul. “I’ll guide you.” Eridan glanced back at the DJ. “The intro’s almost over. Whadya say?”

Dirk looked back over at the side, where the rest of team Alpha had gathered. Roxy shot him a questioning look as to why they were still standing there.

Dirk grinned back, then turned back to Eridan.

“Let’s do this.”

Eridan flashed him a quick smile, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Dirk felt him tug at his soul and relaxed in response. Soft tingles ran up his arms and down his legs.

Eridan stepped forward and Dirk stepped back. Back, forward, back, **left, twist,** return, back-back, forward-

 _“Holy shit.”_ They were going fast. Dirk spun Eridan from one hand to another, then they stepped away and close again. Dirk floated along with the steps and did his best to focus on not focusing on what he was doing. Instead he watched Eridan, who studied the ground with intense concentration. Well, he was moving both of them at the same time. That was actually pretty amazing. Dirk knew Eridan was good at this stuff but holding both the steps together in his mind couldn’t be easy. He hoped it wasn’t too much of a strain on him.

 

000

 

Eridan was ecstatic. Adrenaline was running through his body and all his attention was on the ebb and flow of the dance. And Dirk was following him. He was following him and trusting him and letting him guide him.

Eridan did another quick spin and caught sight of the rest of Alpha watching. Roxy was grinning like a maniac and Callie was clapping. He couldn’t see the others before he had spun back to face Dirk again.

He heard a hiss of a stranger’s angel and felt cold glares on his back, but he couldn’t even bring himself to be upset over that. He was practically giddy. It was an incredible feeling, moving perfectly in sync with their hearts mixing together and Dirk-

Someone’s foot hooked around his ankle and yanked. He slipped and a shot of outrage flared through him. They tripped him! Some fucker just tripped him he was going to-

Falling. Shit.

Dirk’s eyes snapped wide and he lunged after him, catching him around the waist and tightening his hold on his hand into a somewhat passible dip. There was a frozen moment where they stared at each other in panic over the lost tempo.

“Brace yourself,” Dirk muttered, then yanked him up off his feet, spinning him around in a 180 to land him back on his feet again. Eridan’s brain scrambled up the next steps as he landed and they returned back to the dance.

 _“Oh my God,”_ He thought frantically, _“Oh my God, holy shit. That was awesome. I love him.”_

The music ended and they came to a stop. Eridan’s legs were shaky, as was his breathing.

“You ok?” Dirk asked. Eridan nodded. “That,” Dirk continued, “was fucking awesome.” Eridan nodded again, this time with a weak grin.

“Oh my Gooood!” Roxy appeared and tackled them both into a hug. “You guys were amazing! Did you see how cool you looked? I filmed it all.”

“Filmed us?” Dirk adjusted his hold on Eridan to a simple arm around the shoulder as they turned to face her. “Did you see who tripped Eridan?” She blinked, then her face screwed up in anger.

“Someone **tripped** ’im? Ugh, I thought that dip looked a bit improv. I didn’t see anyone so probs a Void Aspect, unless it felt more like a breeze.”

“It was definitely a trip,” Eridan grumbled and brushed his ankle against his other leg.

“We’ll get a list of all the Voids at the party!” Jane declared as the others came to join them, “Then we’ll narrow down the suspects from there, maybe do a bit of snooping and questioning.” Eridan frowned.

“You think people are gonna be ok with that?”

“Well I figure if we-”

A loudly cleared throat made them all turn. Equius was standing there, back straight but face a little uncertain. Roxy cocked an eyebrow.

“Sup Heir?”

“Witch of Void from Team Sky.” He answered loudly. “…Uh.” He got a collection of blank stares. Nepeta popped up behind him, having been almost entirely hidden from view.

“CT can see people hidden in Void! We wanted to tell you who was being a meanie to your Princes!”

“Oh,” Roxy’s eyes went wide, “Ohhhhh!”

“That is all we came to say.” Equius scratched at his cheek, then tugged at his collar. “Er, we would appreciate it if you worked to prevent our involvement in whatever actions you take after this.” Dirk nodded.

“Noted. Thanks.”

The two left after that. Dirk glanced at Roxy and pointed the way they went.

“Did you know he could do that? See people under Void?” She shook her head, looking startled. “Should probably keep that in mind.”

Jane pouted and crossed her arms. “Well, I **suppose** that’s the end to **that** investigation.”

“Aw, sorry Janey.” Roxy smacked her on the back. “You’ll get to solve the next mystery, k?”

“For now,” Dirk steepled his hands together as he faced the group with a serious expression, “I think we’re going to need Miss Crocker’s expertise on revenge-pranks.” Her eyes lit up at that.

“Well!” She straightened her skirt out in a businesslike manner and her eyebrows drew together in thought. “I do believe we can start with…seven, no, seventeen cans of shaving cream…”

“Seventeen cans…” Dirk wrote it down on his phone. “Alright, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“ **I** have an idea.” Roxy jerked her thumb toward the DJ section, where some Aspects had gathered and were whispering amongst themselves. “Let’s blow this place already.”

“Movie night?” Jake suggested as they headed for the door.

“As long as it’s not Weekend at Bernie’s again,” Jane groaned.

“How about that new one about the ocean?” Eridan said, “I wanna see the one about the ocean.”

“I dunno if that’s on Netflix yet, Eri.”

Dirk’s hand grasped Eridan’s as they headed out the door. “We should do that again.” He murmured into his ear. Eridan grinned and knocked their heads together.

“Sounds like a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: Kendo: A Japanese swordfighting technique, usually used with bamboo/wooden swords. I don't think Dirk actually uses kendo technique. I also don't think Eridan knows nor cares about official terminology.
> 
> I don't know when I decided Equius could see people hiding with Void, but it was awhile ago.  
> Equius: Hm, it would appear that Void Aspect has, while hidden, tripped the two Princes dancing. This is certainly no business of mi-  
> Nepeta: *Screeching over the sacrilegious attack to romance.*
> 
> I finally got the promised codpiece mention in. I am a fanfic author of my word.
> 
> Sometimes you just need to say "fuck off" to a whole bunch of assholes through an improvised and adrenaline-fueled dance to PatD.
> 
> You may think that whoever that angel belonged to is an asshole, but recall that Eridan's angels regularly try to tell him that the reason a team member is late is because they've been murdered. Angels tend to exaggerate.
> 
> Somewhere, a Witch of Void will soon realize she has fucked up and should not have taken that dare.


	7. Happy New Year Let's All Either Bash An Ampora's Face In Or Kiss It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Eridan's uncle annoys Dirk, a New Year's kiss is shared, and Amporas get punched a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It might still be Jan 1st somewhere. ;-;
> 
> Cronus's dad, Eridan's uncle, is Beforus Eridan.

Only Rose’s mom would try this.

Dirk leaned against the wall, dressed in a button-up shirt and some slacks as some half-assed attempt at semi-formal. Only Rose’s mom would invite not only every Lalonde and Strider, (minus one) to her house for a New Year’s Party, but also the extended Egbert, Harley-English, Maryam, and Ampora families. Only Rose’s mom would foresee that Eridan would of course, conveniently forget to pass the message along. Only Rose’s mom would go ahead and call them up herself. Only Rose’s mom would dare to bring so many “fun” people into her expensive fancy house. Only Rose’s mom would be this excited about the oncoming disaster.

Dirk had picked out a space in the living room where he could hopefully spot whatever was going to happen first. An ornate Menorah was sitting on the mantel, the candles still burning. **That** sure wasn’t going to cause any issues.

The present inhabitants were Rose, Dave, and Kanaya off to one corner talking about something or another over cookies. In another corner, Jake had, somehow, fallen asleep on one side of the couch. Eridan was sitting on the other side, fiddling with his phone. Eridan’s cousin, Cronus had been in here, but had gone off to the kitchen to put some ice on where Porrim had slapped him, loud enough to be heard in the next room. As far as Dirk knew, Jane, Roxy, and Callie (invited too, of course) were in the kitchen eating or baking some cookies.

Dirk’s eyes flickered to the doorway as another person entered. Cronus’s father, Eridan’s uncle, glided into the room. He was built more like Eridan than Mr. Rear-Admiral-whatever, tall and slim. He wore a pair of small spectacles, and a perpetually haughty expression. Dirk imagined he was not the kind of guy you wanted to explain a late library book to. Eridan had mentioned he was a college professor or something, and Roxy referring to him as Profpora was all Dirk needed for it to be forever glued into his brain.

Profpora came over to stand beside Dirk, and Dirk obligingly turned to face him.

“Sup?” Dirk asked. Profpora’s mouth tightened. “Uh, Professor Ampora, Eridan’s uncle, right?”

“…Yes.” Profpora stared down at him intently. Dirk focused on keeping his posture calm. It was rare he had to look upwards at anyone. “You’re Dirk Strider, Prince of Heart from Team Alpha.”

“That’s me.”

“My nephew’s partner.”

“That’s me.” Dirk nodded to Eridan, who looked like he was texting someone, or angrily blogging. Dirk hoped it was the blogging. It was a thing Eridan had picked up recently, reintroducing him to social media and generally communicating with more people.

Dirk looked back at Profpora, who had turned his gaze to instead study Jake. He watched him for an oddly long time, and just as Dirk was trying to figure out a polite way to say “please stop staring at my friend while he’s sleeping,” he spoke.

“It’s rare for a Hope Aspect’s angels to roam while they’re asleep.”

Dirk didn’t really have anything to say to that. “Oh,” He finally answered. Profpora’s eyes slid back to him.

“Have you seen my nephew’s angels, Mr. Strider?”

“A few times, yeah.” Dirk made a vague gesture with his cup. “When he summons them, or-”

“They aren’t summoned,” Eridan’s uncle cut in, “They’re always present. You mean Eridan simply gave them the power to be visible to you.” Dirk pressed his lips together.

“Well, yeah.”

“How much do you know about them?”

Dirk suddenly felt like he was in a verbal exam he didn’t study for. He shrugged. “They’re manifestations of Hope Aspects. They’re connected to thoughts, desires, and beliefs. Their behavior changes depending on the Aspect they belong to and the mood of said Aspect.” Profpora’s eyes narrowed, thinking on the answer. After awhile he sniffed and looked around again.

“You seem halfway intelligent. I’d encourage you to study them further.”

“I’ve considered it,” Dirk answered evenly, “But it’s hard since I’m not a Hope Aspect. I can’t see them and I don’t have them.” Eridan’s uncle snorted, and Dirk cocked an eyebrow. “What?”

“ **Everyone** has angels, Mr. Strider,” He informed him before taking a drink of whatever Rose’s mom was serving in martini glasses.

“What?” Dirk asked blankly, “Wait,” He took a slow breath, then continued, “Are you, saying I have angels too? Flying around me? Can you see them?”

“No.” Profpora’s voice took on a hint of amusement in his answer, “You can relax. You said angels are manifestations of their Aspect, and they are connected to desires and thoughts. Would it be wrong to assume everyone has desires and thoughts?”

“They only manifest into angels with Hope Aspects though,” Dirk pointed out. Profpora hummed.

“Perhaps. Certainly, the shape they take is exclusive to Hope Aspects.” He peered down at him again. “Or at least, Hope Aspects perceive them in that shape, and make them visible to others in that shape.”

“Uh-huh.” Dirk eyed the drink the other was holding.

“You can’t see the angels because you aren’t a Hope Aspect.” Profpora continued, “But would you agree Aspects are connected in some way? They can’t be completely separate, or else Rage would have no effect on Hope. Heart would not hinder Mind.”

“…Ok,” Dirk answered.

“Can you see souls, Prince of Heart?”

“Sometimes.”

“Can you see emotions?”

“I’m learning.”

“Are you familiar with the term ‘inner demons’?”

“I am.”

Profpora fell silent after that, still watching him closely out of the corner of his eye. Dirk ignored him and instead looked out across the room.

 _“Inner demons.”_ Dirk flexed his hand, then closed his eyes.

The first thing he could feel was Eridan’s soul, humming back at him. Reaching out further, he felt Jake’s, Rose’s, Kanaya’s-

His brow furrowed as he focused on the man beside him. **That** was interesting. He turned his attention back to Eridan, then opened his eyes slowly. A deep violet aura swirled around Eridan’s reclining form. It spiked and trembled here and there with his emotions, but at the moment was relatively calm. Concentrate as he might, Dirk couldn’t see anything else.

Eridan’s uncle settled one hand on Dirk’s shoulder. Dirk resisted shrugging him off. The hand was cool at first, then warmed up. Dirk felt a sharp buzzing in the back of his mind.

Little bolts of violet lightning appeared off Eridan, twisting and flickering like the glass plasma balls they had at science museums. They concentrated around several points, floating through the air around him.

Dirk felt a little dizzy. The flashing light made him feel like he was going to have a migraine, or a seizure. He took several even breathes to steady his heartbeat, closed his eyes, then opened them again.

Ball lightning. Masses of crackling violet energy floating around the room. Dirk swallowed. He could hear something, discordant notes that sounded like that had been dragged through a synthesizer and a faulty radio connection. But maybe if he tweaked it, listened a little harder…

One of the clouds of lightning drifted toward him. Dirk felt a chill run up his spine and the sounds became a little louder. He hesitated, then reached out. Tiny bolts of lightning connected with the tips of his fingers, and suddenly feelings were pinging around in his chest. Boredom, annoyance, apprehension? He heard snatches of sentences humming in his mind. Words he couldn’t quite put together into any meaning, and they had such an eerie tone to them he wanted to pull back but if he reached a little farther-

“What the fuck?”

Dirk dropped his hand and looked toward the door. Cronus was standing there, gaping with a bag of ice pressed to his face.

“What happened to you?” Profpora asked. Cronus grimaced.

“Nothing.”

“You hit on someone?”

“Shut up, dad.” Cronus shot one more weirded-out look at Dirk before vanishing again. Profpora let his hand slip off Dirk’s shoulder. Dirk teetered and braced himself against the wall. His limbs felt heavy and the ground looked fuzzy. He blinked until it was clear again and he felt like he could stand steady, then looked back up at Profpora.

“Learn anything?” Profpora asked. Dirk scowled.

“The fuck was that?”

“What did it seem like?” Profpora asked in response. Dirk rolled his eyes behind his shades. Obviously, he wasn’t getting anything but cryptic riddles from this guy. Instead his thoughts turned to the first thing he had noticed when reaching out.

“Why does your soul look so much like Eridans?” Dirk asked, “His dad and his aren’t even that similar.” Profpora raised one eyebrow with an astounding measure of snobbish, calculated air.

“How should I know? I’m not a Heart Aspect.” Dirk wondered how Eridan felt about punching relatives1. Profpora nodded over to Eridan as he continued, “He’s named after me, you know. Just as Cronus is named after my,” He paused, and his nose wrinkled, “my dear brother.”

“You’re a Prince of Hope like him, aren’t you?” Profpora nodded.

“I am,” He said, then his head turned back abruptly to look directly into Dirk’s eyes, “Just like your namesake shares your role as well. By the way, could he not make it tonight?”

Dirk couldn’t stop his hand from crumpling his cup. “We don’t talk about him under this house.” He answered in a flat tone. Profpora’s eyebrow raised up again, then lowered back into his calm expression.

“Ah, a pity, and here I was hoping to talk with him.”

“Sorry.” Dirk glanced around. Eridan was looking over at them now, wearing a bewildered and suspicious expression.

“Hm,” Profpora tipped his now-empty glass sideways, then continued with a sudden upbeat tone, “Well, I guess I’ve bothered you enough. I’ll leave you alone now.” He turned away, paused, then turned back to face Dirk with a grave expression. “And of course, treat my nephew well. He’s, rough around the edges, but he has the potential to become something great.” Profpora jerked his chin up. “…I would know.”

 _“He’s already great you drunk cryptic piece of shit.”_ Dirk thought to his retreating back. Eridan came up to him as his uncle left.

“What was that about?” Eridan glared at the doorway Profpora had left through. “Was he bothering you?”

“We had an, interesting conversation.” Dirk grunted and drained his cup. Eridan winced with an understanding expression.

“He can get a little, weird, ‘specially after a drink or two. Last time we met-” Eridan stopped, then closed his mouth with a thoughtful expression. Dirk tilted his head to the side.

“Yeah?”

“It’s just-” Eridan muttered and glanced around the room again, “Last time we spoke, I think he was droppin me hints, about the Aspect stuff. He even went so far as to ask if I was feeling alright.”

“Well,” Dirk shrugged, “it was very likely you were one so…”

“Yeah,” Eridan nodded, “Yeah, you’re right. Anyways, sorry if he bothered ya.”

“It was interesting.” Dirk entwined his arm with Eridan’s. “…Educational. I might want to ask you some stuff about Hope later.” Eridan blinked in surprise.

“Well **now** I’m downright curio-”

“Heeeeey!!” Rose’s mom swept into the room with an air of bravo and an empty martini glass. “It’s almost midnight everyone! Whoooooo’s ready for a countdown?!”

“Huh?” Jake sat up and fixed his glasses. “Who? What?” The rest of the party began to crowd into the living room, attracted by the noise.

“The ball’s gonna drop in exactly 53 seconds.” Dirk’s father announced as he entered. He wore his usual calm expression, despite the ludicrously colorful jester’s hat that had been stuck on his head. Dirk cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Uh-” His dad snapped a hand up to silence him.

“Irony, and a lost bet with Jane’s dad. Discuss later. Right now-” He shot his finger up toward the ceiling, making the bells on his hat jingle. “All you couples, y’all better get ready to kiss.”

Eridan sputtered and Dirk shot his dad their special “are you serious” face.

“Whoa, whoa!” Cronus skidded into the living room. “Did I hear something about a New Year kiss? Who’s open?”

Eridan flung his arms around Dirk’s waist and glared at Cronus. “Mine.” He declared. Cronus rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. So, any takers?” His glanced around.

“I will black your other eye.” Porrim answered without looking up from her knitting.

“I’m afraid you won’t have the best luck,” Rose looped an arm around Kanaya with a small smirk. “Though, if you try enough, you may succeed in your endeavor.” Cronus’s eyes lit up at that, while Kanaya gave Rose a gently scolding stare.

“Bleh!” John floated up to the ceiling. “Leave me out of this!” Jade giggled while Dave rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact with everyone. Kanaya’s mother murmured something to her sister, who chuckled in response.

“Um,” Eridan released Dirk and his head dropped down to the floor. “I didn’t actually ask. Do you wanna-?”

“Yes,” Dirk answered, “Hell yes.”

“Fifteen seconds.” Dirk’s dad called out without checking the clock.

“Soooo!” Rose’s mom sidled up to Jane’s dad with a wink. “You free, handsome?” Jane’s dad jerked up straight, then bobbed his head and his fist in the sign for “yes.” Eridan’s dad glared down at his glass, then downed the whole thing in one gulp.

Eridan fumbled his hands up with Dirk’s. He was flushed red and shifting from foot to foot. Dirk smirked at him.

“We kiss all the time, you know.”

“I know!” Eridan pouted, “It’s just, ya know with the celebration in a crowded room-”

“Five!” Dirk’s dad shouted, and everyone else joined him in the countdown. “Four! Three! Two! One! Welcome to next year!” He shoved his cup up, splashing his drink on his suit.

Dirk and Eridan leaned into each other for a gentle kiss. Dirk slipped his arms around his waist and rocked them back and forth, getting lost in the feeling of their emotions mingling and Eridan’s body against his own.

The rest of the room faded from perception. They didn’t notice as Rose and Kanaya shared a chaste peck, Rose’s mom flung her arms around Mr. Egbert while John gagged, Jane and Roxy offered Callie a gentle kiss on both cheeks, Jade and Dave exchanged a look, shrugged, and gave each other a quick kiss, or as Eridan’s dad abruptly turned Kanaya’s mother toward him and jerked forward for a kiss 2. Cronus pouted as he scanned the room, spotted Jake off in the corner, and strode toward him with a grin. Without a word Jake pointed a finger gun at him and an angel appeared to shoot right into his face, knocking him to the ground.

Eridan and Dirk broke off, and Eridan gave him a wide grin.

“Happy New-”

The loud sound of flesh hitting flesh made them look up. Eridan’s father was doubled over with one hand braced on the wall. The other was clutching at his nose as blood dripped onto the carpet. Kanaya’s mother was standing nearby, fist still clenched and looking none too pleased.

“Oh my God.” Eridan whispered.

Eridan’s uncle spat his drink out laughing. “Holy fuck!” He gasped and wiped his mouth on his sleeve, all elegance lost for the moment. “Cro you fuckin moron were you tryin to be charmin-” Someone tapped him on the shoulder and he turned to face Porrim’s mother, still dripping with the remains of his drink. “Uh,” He looked her up and down. “…Sorry? The dress doesn’t look so expensive, I can buy you a repl-” Her fist collided with his right eye, smashing the glasses frame and sending him stumbling back.

“It’s handmade,” She answered coldly.

“How was your kiss, Cronus?” Rose asked him as he lay on the floor, arm slung over his face. He raised one middle finger straight up before dropping his arm back down again.

“Jesus, this fuckin family,” Eridan muttered and began to drag Dirk toward a doorway “I’m getting outta here.”

“You wanna make sure any of them are ok?” Dirk jerked his thumb over at the other Amporas.

“I don’t care.”

“Alright.”

They slipped out into the hallway, arms around each other’s waist and listening to the muted sounds of apology and laughter and Happy New Years.

“Why did she invite them?” Eridan groaned and rested his chin on Dirk’s neck.

“In the Strilalonde family, ‘interesting’ is a top priority at parties,” Dirk answered. “You can be sure they’ll be invited again.” Eridan made a strangled noise of protest. Dirk grinned and kissed him on the cheek, then leaned back and raised his arm in an imaginary toast. “Happy New Year. To health, happiness, and our crazy families.” Eridan laughed at that and imitated his gesture.

“Sure, to team Alpha, to my boyfriend, to Cro’s face lookin like meatloaf tomorrow, to my bullshit angels. Whatever.”

“About those bullshit angels,” Dirk started, then shook his head, “No, never mind. It can wait until not New Year’s.”

“Works for me.” Eridan shrugged, then pulled Dirk closer. He buried his face in the side of Dirk’s neck and Dirk rested one hand on the back of his head and another around his waist. He could hear Rose’s mom calling Dirk’s dad away to help her grab some more wine from the cellar, Rose saying something that triggered Roxy’s uproar of a laugh, John arguing with Jake over some movie or another.

The chaos out there was peaceful, to Dirk’s skewed perception. He half-listened to it as they stood in the darkened hallway, silent and peaceful, for the moment, alone together.

 

000

 

carcinoGeneticist began pestering grimAuxiliatrix

 

CG: SO HOW WAS YOUR NEW YEAR’S?

CG: MINE WAS TERRIBLE. MY DAD WOULD NOT SHUT UP ABOUT NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS AND SELF IMPROVEMENT UNTIL MY UNCLE THREATENED TO SHOVE A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE UP HIS ASS.

GA: It Was

GA: Interesting

CG: WAIT WASN’T ERIDAN THERE?

GA: Yes

GA: Along With All His Relatives

CG: WELL SHIT.

CG: WHAT WENT DOWN?

GA: I Kissed Rose

GA: Eridans Father Attempted To Kiss My Mother And Received A Broken Nose

GA: Eridan And Dirk Vanished Into A Hallway And Probably Thought They Were Being Sneaky

GA: But They Were Not

GA: My Aunt And Cousin Also Punched Someone

CG: JESUS FUCK.

GA: Yes Well That Was Simply At Midnight The Party Continued Sometime After

GA: At Around 12:25 Dirks Father Had A Disagreement With Roses Mother About Cooking Methods Which Led To the Oven Exploding

GA: Then The Curtains Caught On Fire But John Acted Fast Enough To Suck All The Oxygen Away From Them

GA: Unfortunately The Resulting Gust Tossed Calliope Like A Poorly Made Ragdoll Across The Room

GA: Where Eridan Caught Her But They Fell And Knocked Over A Vase

GA: Johns Father Attempted To Vacuum Up The Wreckage With The Bronzed Vacuum In Roses Lobby

GA: Did You Know Bronzed Vacuums Are Far Heavier Than An Average Man Would Assume

CG: OK STOP.

CG: JESUS PLEASE STOP.

CG: JUST TELL ME ABOUT THE GOOD THINGS.

CG: LIKE

CG: DID ANYTHING STAY LIKE *OK* OR IN ONE PIECE WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS?

GA: I Kissed Rose

CG: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY.

GA: The Lovely Branched Candles On The Mantel Remained Unharmed Throughout The Party Which Was Frankly Rather Miraculous

CG: WOW OK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: This sentence is basically a summary of the chapter. Also Eridan is very lenient about punching any of his relatives.  
> 2: That was a poor idea. On the bright side, Dualscar will finally make Highblood laugh by telling him this story.  
>    
> Eridan's uncle is quite the scholar and knows a lot of stuff about Aspects. Unfortunately he only gives this out in cryptic hints while a little drunk. 
> 
> At some point in this fic I decided I would make it so every Maryam has punched their respective Ampora. Kanaya has already punched Eridan, and as it turned out, the rest was easy after that considering how many of them were half-drunk. Beforus Eridan might have had a chance apologizing to Beforus Kanaya if he hadn't insulted her dress. Is surprise kissing strangers actually a thing on New Years? I feel like that shit only goes smoothly in movies.
> 
> Cronus Sr: Man, I’ve tried everything but I just can’t seem to intimidate or unnerve my son’s boyfriend.  
> Eridan Sr: Bet you twenty bucks,
> 
> Great thing about Cask of Amontillado being a meme is that I can subtly reference it now and people might get it.
> 
> “He’s already great you drunk cryptic piece of shit.” This line cracks me up for some reason because Eridan Sr was trying to be haughty and mysterious or some shit but Dirk was like "My boyfriend is great and shut up."


	8. Handle it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which ptsd is still a thing. That didn't stop being a thing or anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like more Aspect concept stuff and Dirk being Dirk.
> 
> Warning for PTSD, of course.

“Alright.” Dirk rubbed his hands together as he looked around the living room. “Is everyone clear on the experiment?”

“Righto!” Jake flashed him two thumbs up. Terezi, standing a few feet beside him, rolled her shoulders back.

“It’s the Page’s mind I’m reading, right?” She flicked her cane over to Eridan sitting on the couch, “Not the grump over there?”

“No.” Eridan grunted. He technically wasn’t part of the experiment at all, and Dirk had told him he didn’t have to come if Terezi made him uncomfortable, yet here he was.

“Jake,” Dirk turned to him, “You sure you’re alright with this?”

“Sure!” Jake answered cheerfully, “Er, hypothetically, this would just be things the angels say anyways, right?”

“Hypothetically, yes.” Dirk said, trying to ignore the way Eridan was grimacing. “Terezi, you aren’t directly reading his mind. You said you often just pick up stray thought from people, right?”

“That’s right!” She grinned and tapped her temple. “Just stuff on the surface, nothing deep.”

“Right,” Dirk nodded. “Can you feel anything from Jake right now?”

“As usual.” She tapped her chin with one finger. “Little snippets, do you want me to tell you what they say?”

“No, it’s fine.” Dirk crossed his arms. “Jake, do the thing now.”

“Roger!” Jake pressed his palms together and took a deep breath. Terezi cocked an eyebrow.

“What’s he doing? Someone fill me in.”

“Nothing outwardly visible,” Dirk answered. “How about now, can you pick up any stray thoughts?”

Terezi’s mouth twisted in an odd way and she leaned forward. She closed her eyes and sniffed deeply in Jake’s direction. Eridan shifted around in his seat, and Dirk felt his emotions prickling with unease.

“Hm…” Terezi rubbed her jaw, “HMMM…”

“So,” Dirk began but Terezi lunged forward suddenly to grab Jake’s arm, yanking in forward to sniff hard into his hair.

“Uh!” Jake flailed her off and scrambled back. “I say Miss Pyrope! Warn a fellow!”

“Stop.” Dirk stepped in between them and held one hand out. “What was that for?” Terezi sniffled a bit, her expression still ponderous. “Hello?”

“I could still sense his mind up close,” She finally said, “But the stray thoughts vanished. How did he do that?” Dirk, Jake and Eridan looked between each other, then Dirk stepped back again.

“Jake, you ok?”

“Quite, just a little surprised.”

“Can you bring them back now?”

“Yep!” Jake clapped twice, as if calling a dog. Eridan rolled his eyes.

“Terezi,” Dirk asked, “Can you sense them now?”

“Yeah.” She crossed her arms and tilted her head back. “I can smell them again. I must say, Prince, your experiment has made me **very** curious.”

“It has for me too.” Dirk tapped some notes down on his phone, then stared at the screen for a few seconds. “…Ok.” He looked back at Terezi again. “Can you pick up my stray thoughts too?” Terezi grinned.

“I can. Want me to read them?”

“No.” Dirk took a deep breath. “Ok, now I’m going to try it. Try to banish them.” Eridan blinked.

“How’re you gonna do that?”

“Not sure.” Dirk cracked his knuckles, popping each joint individually. “Give me a second.”

He closed his eyes and pulled his awareness out. The different souls in the room shone back at him. He pulled harder, until reluctantly, a weaker, outer cloud became visible around each soul. That didn’t exactly look like what it had before, with Eridan’s uncle.  Dirk took a deep breath, then reached out. His fingers slipped through the cloud like fog. He frowned, then swiped again, trying to catch it, then waved his hand as if to clear it away. Neither had much effect.

He opened his eyes again. Terezi was tapping her foot impatiently.

“Well?” She prompted.

“I’m not a Seer,” Dirk answered, “And I don’t have the angels, so I can’t summon or see a medium to control.”

“I see,” Terezi answered, “-metaphorically, anyways. So, you’re saying a Hope Aspect’s angels…”

“The angels are manifestations of the Aspect’s self,” Dirk explained, “Your Seer of Mind abilities allow you to pick up stray thoughts from people.” He made some vague gesture, “Like a cloud of perfume or something. Sounds like they’re connected. So, a Hope Aspect who has the power to banish their angels, is also closing themselves off from other Aspects’ sensory powers.”

“Uh huh, uh huh…” Terezi nodded along, rubbing her chin. “This is quite the discovery you’ve made, Prince. What’s your next step going to be?”

“Probably seeing what other Aspects can see.” Dirk dug his hands into his pockets. “I’ll call Rose, maybe some other Seers too. I’ll also discuss this with Callie. She’ll want to write this down for her encyclopedia-”

He cut off as two cell-phone jingles rang out. Eridan and Jake both took out their phones.

“Rox’s remindin use we’re headin to the shootin range,” Eridan reported. Jake smacked the side of his head with his palm.

“God’s wounds, I completely forgot! Are we about wrapped up for the day, Dirk? I need to go fetch my guns.”

“Yeah man, we’re done.”

“Righto!” Jake offered a two-fingered salute before he trotted out toward the stairs. Terezi spun her cane over her hand, nearly smacking Dirk.

“Well, I guess I’ll be leaving too, then.” She winked at Dirk as she passed him. “Let me know if you’ve got any other interesting experiments planned. This has got me rather curious.”

“Noted.” Dirk stepped aside to let her pass. “You need a ride back?”

“Nope!”

“Alright.”

The door slammed shut behind her. Dirk sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses, sitting down on the arm of the armchair.

“You were pretty nervous that whole time,” Eridan commented, “Didn’t **seem** like anythin was gonna explode.”

“It’s not that,” Dirk answered, “I was just worried about Jake’s comfort. I can’t believe he was cool with letting his mind get read, even passively. I kept worrying I was pushing him out of his comfort zone.” Eridan shrugged.

“He seemed ok, except when Ter went all up in his personal space.”

Dirk grimaced. “Yeah, you need to get your rifle?”

“I’ve got it already.” Eridan popped the gun into his lap. He beamed in pride. “.32, Almost no kickback, straight shot.”

“That is definitely a gun,” Dirk stated. Eridan snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Yes, Dirk.”

“Sup Princes!” Roxy skidded into the room. “Who’s ready to head out!?”

Eridan got up, and Dirk did too. Roxy cocked her head to the side.

“You comin Strider?”

“Sure, why not?”

They headed into the lobby where Jake and Callie had gathered. “You too?” Dirk asked Callie. She nodded, looking a little sheepish.

“I thought I might as well keep my skills up.”

“Cool.”

“We’re heading out now, Janey!” Roxy called into the dining room. Jane gave a distracted wave, engrossed in some detective novel she was reading.

“You sure you ain’t gonna be bored?” Eridan asked Dirk as they headed out. Dirk shrugged.

“I’ll find ways to entertain myself.”

“Watchin me?”

“Watching you.”

Eridan ducked his head to grin. Dirk smiled and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight.

 

000

 

“This is it,” Eridan pointed the sign out to Dirk as they approached, “uh, obviously.” Dirk nodded. He’d been having some kind of heated argument with Jake about movie tropes, but they dropped it when they arrived.

“Yo Eri!” Roxy called over her shoulder as she opened the door. “Bet you 20 bucks I can shoot more bullseyes than you.” Eridan’s eyes lit up at the challenge.

“Make it 30.”

“Hoo boy are you gonna regret that.”

“Doubt it,” Eridan followed her inside. The steady sound of gunfire echoed from the next room. His mind wandered back to when his father would take him as a child. Back then he was so excited to get older, to hit the target and impress him. It was weird to look back at that time. Did he ever think he would be coming here with friends? With a **boyfriend**?

Right at that thought Eridan felt a shuddering, terrible emotion run through him, like someone had just raked a blade of ice through his chest. He choked and spun around to look at Dirk, already clenching his fists to fight.

Dirk was fine, well, he looked fine. He was standing in the doorway, one hand braced against it and staring down at the floor.

“Um!” Jake called out behind him. “Dirk, would you mind moseying in a little farther? I’m afraid I can’t really squeeze past you.” Dirk blinked, then turned to look back at him.

“Sorry.” He said after a beat and shifted over to let him pass. Another smattering of gunfire came from the shooting gallery and Dirk jerked back, bumping his head on the doorway. His hand scrambled against the wall before quickly getting shoved into his pocket.

“D-” Eridan took a step toward him and his eyes flickered around for danger, “Dirk-”

“I’m fine,” Dirk interrupted him, “Just got startled by something.”

Eridan frowned. That was a lie, a really bad lie. His soul was still spazzing out, even though Dirk was trying to force it down. Eridan took a look around, then back at Dirk. He was staring at a point on the wall. His other hand was pressed against his chest.

Eridan’s eyes snapped wide before he swore under his breath, then strode toward Dirk.

“I uh, forgot my gun,” He called over to Roxy as he and grabbed Dirk’s elbow. She gave him a baffled look.

“Whatdya mean you-”

“I’ll be right back,” Eridan continued hurriedly, “Dirk, come with me.” He gave a sharp tug and Dirk stumbled after him out the door, managing to keep his footing as they headed down the stairs.

“…You didn’t, forget your gun.” Dirk’s speech was halting, strained. Eridan continued to pull him down the street, switching his grip to his hand.

“No.”

“Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere.”

“Why?”

Eridan stopped and Dirk stopped with him. Their hands hung between them while Eridan gnawed on his lip and tried to think of the right words to say.

“You freaked out.” Those were not them. He winced, and felt a tremor of annoyance from Dirk’s soul.

“I was fine.” Dirk tugged at his hand. “It wasn’t anything serious. Let’s go back.”

“No!” Eridan snapped and yanked back, his grip going tight. Dirk stiffened, and his mouth pressed tight. “You were, the sounds freaked you out.” Eridan began to talk quickly. He needed to get his thoughts out, organized or not, before Dirk could argue. “I felt it. It’s cause a, what happened,” Eridan’s free hand curled into a fist. His fingers pressed against the scar in the center, “And, you shouldn’t have to deal with that. I should have caught on quicker-”

“No,” Dirk cut in, “This isn’t something you should have assumed would happen.” Eridan opened his mouth, then closed it with a soft, upset huff. Dirk pulled his hand free, then wrapped his arm around Eridan’s waist and pulled him close to rest his chin on his shoulder.

“…I shouldn’t have kept the splinter,” Dirk said after a while. Eridan’s breath caught in his throat. “I shouldn’t have kept the splinter in your soul if I would make you feel things like that and-.”

“Don’t.” Eridan snarled and wrapped his arms around his waist. Dirk stopped talking, if only from the sudden pressure on his diaphragm. “Don’t push me out. I wanna help. You helped me and I wanna help you.

“Eridan.”

“You put up with all my bullshit,” Eridan mumbled into his shirt, “It’s not fair that you’re not gonna let me help now.”

“It’s not that.” Dirk gently took his hand again. “I don’t want to hurt you, or drag you down.”

“Ha!” Eridan answered with a harsh, weak laugh. “Don’t give me that crap. After everything, don’t you dare give me that rubbish.”

Dirk didn’t say anything, but Eridan could feel the embarrassment worming its way through his soul.

“I’m sorry,” Dirk sighed. Eridan huffed and stepped back, taking his hand again.

“I **know** you wanna be the strong one in the group, but no one expects you to be invincible.” Eridan jerked his head at the bench nearby and they went to sit down. “You don’t have to come with us to the shootin range.”

“Four of our six members use guns,” Dirk answered. He clasped his hands together and leaned forward to stare ahead at a shop window. “Plus Jade.”

“Pff,” Eridan leaned back and waved his hand dismissively, but kept his other hand on the small of Dirk’s back. “Callie hardly uses hers. She and I mostly use our wands. Jake uses his angels more nowadays. Rox, uh, she’s quiet. She uses Void, I think.”

“Avoidance isn’t feasible.”

“We can make it work,” Eridan told him firmly, “We’ve always been able to make things work.”

“I don’t **want** to ‘make things work.’ I want to handle this.”

“Well-” Eridan bit his lip, “Then we-, I-”

He fell silent. Dirk leaned back to stare up at the sky. He could feel Eridan’s soul rolling in turmoil, and wondered if the angels were annoying him now.

“It’s ok,” Dirk said after awhile, “It’s, It’s nice knowing you want to help. That’s nice on it’s own.” Eridan twiddled his thumbs. His eyebrows creased in thought. Dirk tilted his head to get a better look at him. Looking at him calmed him down. He studied the careful style of his hair, the glasses balancing on the top of his nose, the bare spot of his neck peeking out of his scarf.

“…I could teach your marksmanship.” Eridan mumbled. Dirk blinked.

“Teach me.”

“Yeah like, maybe then you’ll get used to it, or feel more comfortable with it. Exposure therapy’s a thing, right?”

“Sure.”

“If you’d be ok with it.”

“Sure.”

“Probably not at the shooting range. Maybe out of town.”

“Alright.”

Eridan nodded to himself, looking a little more content, or even hopeful. Dirk pressed his lips together, then turned his head to glance at a very interesting fire hydrant.

“I could teach you to knife fight,” He offered. Eridan was quiet. “Just, y’know, if you’re interested. You don’t have to.”

“…We could do that.” Eridan answered. He sounded nervous, but forcefully resolute. Dirk reached up and slid an arm around his shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“A piss-poor attempt at a plan,” Eridan grunted.

“Still a plan.” Dirk pointed out. Eridan’s mouth twitched up. Dirk smiled back in return. “So, what are we telling the others?”

Eridan checked the time on his phone. “If we hurry, we can probably convince Jane to loop us into helping her with something.”

“She’ll ask questions.”

“We’ll pay her off.”

“With what?”

“I don’t know, baking mix?”

“This is going to fool absolutely no one.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Eridan drummed his fingers against his chin. “We could always go for a more plausible plan.”

“What’s that?”

“We ended up making out on a bench in town and forgot about everythin else.”

“…Huh.” Dirk rested his free hand on the wooden surface of the bench, “Yeah, that sounds like a pretty believable ruse.”

“I guess.”

“We should probably include a few hickies or something, to make it more believable.”

“Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They followed this plan very well, then someone shouted a gay slur and Eridan hurled himself at them with the vengeance of an angel and the wrath of Hell. Dirk had to pull him off and abscond with him over his shoulder before the police showed up.
> 
> Dirk: I just don’t want to bring you down with my issues.  
> Eridan: I am the definition of ride or die you dumb shit.
> 
> Couple'a teenagers gonna try exposure therapy on each other instead of consulting with a trained doctor over this, fucking great.
> 
> Also when they smile it makes the other person smile that's cute.


	9. I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which even as adults, Dirk and Eridan are painfully bad at this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't have this finished in time for Valentines Day and it's much longer than I planned so here's half of it. Takes place like, 8 years later.
> 
> Fuck coloring pesterlogs.
> 
> The day I run out of Eridan insecurities to write is the day I have to think up new AUs that will lead to more insecurities to write.

 

CA: i cant do it rox

CA: i cant ill ruin everythin

TG: u kno u wont cmon

CA: how am i supposed to do this though

CA: its not like i can just fuckin drop down on one knee and offer some opulent ring with the proposal a matrimony it doesnt work like that

TG: eri thats exactly how it works

CA: no but

CA: i cant

TG: omg eri cmon

TG: you know hed say yes you guys have been together for like a decade now

CA: but what if he doesnt

CA: what if i ruin EVERYTHIN

TG: cant you like literally feel each other’s feelings why are you worried?

CA: it aint like that i cant tell what hes THINKIN or what hes gonna do in a situation id need pyrope for both a those things

CA: and im not askin her

TG: u cant even like

TG: guess what he thinks about it?

CA: no hes never brought it up i have no idea how he feels about it

 

000

 

TT: The concept of marriage at its core is just a shallow sense of extra security of the bond with your lover, matched with the intense need to conform to society, especially with the ever-lingering influence of heteronormativity.

TT: That being said,

GG: Stop.

GG: Stop right there, buster.

TT: You think I should sell the tax benefits instead?

GG: Dirk, you’re 24. That’s too old to be hiding behind cagey excuses.

GG: This is marriage. You have to be honest.

GG: It’s Eridan. Don’t you think he’d rather you be straightforward in telling him you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

TT: Well yeah but, I can’t just out and say it.

TT: I can’t play it out like some cheesy movie, getting down on one knee with some horribly sappy lines. That’d be embarrassing for both of us.

GG: Well this is embarrassing just from an outside point of view!

GG: Eridan’s a bit of a romantic, isn’t he? Just, do a romantic thing!

TT: Me,

TT: doing a romantic thing.

TT: I gave him a murderous robot for his 17th birthday.

GG: That somehow counts as romantic, at least with you two.

TT: I kind of see your point.

GG: Do you?

TT: I should make it a spectacle.

GG: Um!

GG: I have to say I am not sure I like the sound of that!

TT: Something dramatic, but not over the top of cheesy. Something impressive.

 

000

 

CA: i am not rippin the ring out a the maw of a dead shark

GT: Well shucks buster! I dont know what else to tell you but i swear on my socks that was the best proposal ive ever seen in a movie!

CA: why did i ask you

 

000

 

TG: dude you should totally rap it to him

TG: ill be your backup

TG: rose can play violin

TT: I appreciate the sentiment, but no.

 

000

 

UU: :U

CA: so uh any advice

UU: :U

CA: cal

UU: can i make the outfits?

CA: uh yeah sure if he says yes

 

000

 

TT: I suppose I could ask him for you.

TT: Jesus no.

TT: Imagine it Dirk. I show up with a bouquet of roses in whatever color is befitting of this situation.

TT: I’ve set my speakers to play church music ahead of time.

TT: I hold up the ring and declare in an embarrassingly public location,

TT: “Hey my creator, an adult at the age of 24, was too embarrassed to ask you in person so he sent me to ask you if you want to do this pointless human ritual known as marriage.”

TT: Stop.

TT: Stop, I don’t need this.

TT: You know the only reason you came to me was to be thoroughly mocked over your inaction.

 

000

 

GT: You could have the angels deliver the ring to him?

CA: leave me alone

 

000

 

TT: Holy shit.

GG: What?

TT: He has like a million rings, Jane.

TT: How am I going to find a ring that I can convince him to wear over all the others?

GG: Well gee buster.

GG: I suppose he just might if you offer to marry him in return.

TT: How about a ring that’s also a brass knuckle?

TT: A ring that stores Hope Aspect.

TT: A ring that can explode.

GG: Dirk.

TT: A ring with all those options.

 

000

 

CA: maybe the times not right

TG: oh fuck no dont you fuckin chicken out on me eri

CA: im not chickenin out

CA: just

CA: maybe i should wait for an anniversary or somethin

TG: bwak bwak bwak

CA: theres some tension right now

TG: wait wat?

TG: what tension?

CA: i dont know exactly

CA: hes stressed about **somethin**

TG: ya dont say

 

000

 

GA: It Was A Wonderful Moment

GA: Rose Arrived To Our Apartment With A Pot Holding A Rare And Gorgeous Plant

CA: uh huh

 

000

 

TT: The ring was at the base of the plant. I asked her if she would like to watch our relationship blossom and grow just as the plant would as we cared for it.

TT: Did she understand the metaphor?

TT: No but once I explained it to her she started crying and it was very sweet.

TT: Very poetic, not sure I can repeat it.

TT: He doesn’t like plants like Kanaya does.

TT: You could buy him a gun.

TT: What kind of metaphor would that serve for our relationship?

TT: Perhaps that your discharges have quite the punch and you can reload quickly.

TT: Thanks.

TT: You walked right into that one.

TT: I know.

 

000

 

CA: hey kar

CA: no fuck never mind sorry

 

caligulasAquarium ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist

 

CG: WHAT?

CG: WHAT????

 

000

 

gallowsCalibrator began pestering caligulasAquarim

 

GC: NO.

CA: what

GC: NO.

CA: i wasnt askin for anythin

CA: and i wasnt gonna

 

gallowsCalibrator ceased pestering caligulasAquarim

 

CA: ok but hypothetically if i were plannin to ask you somethin is that “no” meanin “no you wont do it” or “no” as an answer to what i was hypothetically seekin the answer to

CA: pyrope

CA: ter come on

 

gallowsCalibrator blocked caligulasAquarim

 

000

 

timeausTestified began pestering tentacleTherapist

 

TT: So,

TT: I will not.

TT: Right.

 

000

 

TG: eri ok listen

TG: if u dont suck this up and do it im sendin dirk screenshots of all these convos

TG: all of them

CA: NO DONT DO THAT

 

000

 

TT: There is a 99.9994% chance he will say yes, with a 99.98% chance he will cry.

TT: The .0006% chance accounts for him spontaneously dying before you can ask.

TT: That chance is slowly getting higher, Dirk. The longer you put it off the more of a timeframe for inexplicable, random death.

TT: Tick tock.

 

timaeusTestified blocked technicalTalent

 

TT: You can’t block time Dirk.

 

000

 

tipsyGnostalgic added gutsyGumshoe, golgothasTerror, uranianUmbra, and technicalTalent to the chat

 

TG: ok screw this

TG: ive got a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering how many people have tried to kill Eridan, I’d take Hal’s threat somewhat seriously.
> 
> By the way Dirk definitely went to Roxy at some point and Eridan probably went to Jane. The suffering was not segregated to any one prince.
> 
> No seriously fuck coloring pesterlogs I went on autopilot and kept accidentally coloring all the TT:'s Dirk when they're Rose or Hal and it was just annoying.


	10. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is nervousness, imps(?), and mushy things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am DONE with this chapter. Physically and emotionally. Meh.
> 
> FYI Aspects are a thing the general public knows about. Some people are leery, it's still in transition.

 

Eridan lay sprawled out across the sofa. He flipped through the designs Callie had sent him, adding notes here and there. After this he had a report to write on the ogre from yesterday, plus he was testing some device for Dirk. Looked like it would be a day spent inside, busy.

Or maybe he was just distracting himself from thinking more about the small box burning a hole in his sylladex.

“YO ERI!” He jumped and fumbled the tablet as Roxy sauntered in with two backpacks, one of which she dumped on his chest. “We’re goin on a vacation!”

“…What?” He fixed his glasses and shoved the backpack off him. “What? Where? Why? Huh?”

“To the beach!” She grabbed one of his arms and tried to drag him off the couch. “Come on, you love the beach.”

“Well yeah but-”

“So-” She shoved her hands under him. There was a flash of blue before she heaved upwards, “-COME ON!” He flew up off the couch, held victoriously over Roxy’s head like he weighed no more than a teddy-bear.

“Rox!” He yelped and squirmed a bit as she raced him to the stairs. “You **know** doin that makes me feel weird!”

“Ye but you’re easier to carry now.”

They went thumping up the stairs, and Eridan heard Dirk’s voice, “-almost at a breakthrough.” He tilted his head back to see Dirk arguing with Jane as she tugged him out of his room. “Jade’s expecting to hear back. Can’t we go next week?”

“Absolutely not!” She huffed, and her grip remained iron-tight on his wrist. “I’ve already informed the company and cancelled my meetings! Your projects can wait.”

“Harsh.” He looked over at Roxy, then up to meet Eridan’s upside-down eyes. “You lose weight?”

“Nice a you to notice,” Eridan answered dryly, turning over to look at him straight on. “I’m bein kidnapped, ya know.”

“So am I,” Dirk looked back at Jane, “Apparently.”

“Yo Strider,” Eridan felt Roxy shift him back and a sharp pang of horror hit him.

“Rox don’t-”

“Catch!” She hurled Eridan at him. Eridan screeched and felt his mass returning midair. Dirk’s arms jerked up just as Eridan crashed into him and they went stumbling back into the wall.

“Roxy,” Dirk glared at her with a sour expression, “My boyfriend isn’t a beach ball.”

“Eh-ha-ha…” Eridan wrapped his arms around Dirk’s neck to steady himself. “I-I’m ok. I’m ok.”

“Can you stand?”

“Probably.”

Dirk slowly set him down on his feet. Eridan kept his arms looped around his neck, resting against his chest. The word “boyfriend” kept echoing around in his head.  He remembered getting so ridiculously happy from being called that. When did he stop feeling satisfied with that?

“Eridan?” Dirk’s hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts. “You ok?”

“Yeah! Yeah.” Eridan patted his chest and turned around to look at Roxy, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Come on, you dorks. Get packed. A few days, bring some nice clothes too. Callie and Jake are already downstairs.”

Both Jane and Roxy bounced off for the stairs before they could argue. Eridan rolled his eyes at Dirk before heading into his own room to pack.

Eridan tossed his bag up on the bed and pondered it, then opened his closet. He took one sweater off the hanger, frowned, then put it back and picked another to examine.

By the time Dirk came in with his own bag shouldered Eridan had packed a grand total of one sweater and a few pairs of socks. Dirk gave him a blank look, then grabbed the first four things off the hangers and tossed them in. Eridan spun to face him with an indignant expression.

“Don’t forget your bathing suit.” Dirk reminded him, and got a shirt tossed at his face. “The others are waiting for us.”

“It’s their fault for jumpin this on me.”

“If you take too long Callie’s going to teleport you down into the kitchen.”

“She understands.” Eridan scrutinized two pairs of pants, then threw one into the bag. He then riffled through his set of formalwear. “Rox said to bring somethin nice too, right? What do you think?”

“I just packed my vest and stuff.”

“Hm,” Eridan’s mouth twisted as he pulled out a dress shirt, “The orange one? This color won’t work-”

“ERI!” Roxy hollered up the stairs, “COME ON! YOU BETTER NOT BE AGONIZING OVER YOUR TIE COLOR!”

“I haven’t even started to pick a tie,” Eridan muttered.

They eventually came down to meet the others in the kitchen. Roxy huffed and planted her hands on her hips.

“You guys **finally** ready?”

“Yeah.” Eridan made a metaphorical gesture to his sylladex. “We’re set.”

“Awesome,” Roxy grinned and shot her hand into the sky. “Shotgun!” She vanished, presumably to head for the car.

“I’ll drive!” Jake announced and headed for the door but Dirk grabbed his shoulder.

“No, you aren’t, not while I’m in the car.”

“I’ve gotten better!”

“Not everywhere is a jeep jaunt through the savannah,” Eridan muttered as he passed him. Jake gasped and flattened one hand against his chest to demonstrate his fake hurt.

“Good golly Eridan! A fellow tries **one** improvised shortcut-”

“Eight,” Eridan corrected him, “not one.”

“We got there in record time!”

“With three police cars followin us!”

Roxy was already blasting music when they got into the van. Eridan and Dirk sat together in the back with Callie next to them, and Jake snagged on of the window seats in the middle.

“Wait,” Dirk frowned as Jane took the seat in front of him. “Who’s-”

“-Driving?” A head popped into view from the driver seat, revealing bright white hair, red eyes, and a shit-eating grin. “It seems I have been selected for the role of robot chauffeur.” Dirk fell silent, then his hands tightened on his knees.

“I changed my mind. Jake, drive.”

“Too late.” Hal snagged his seatbelt and buckled himself in. “Roxy said yes.” Dirk glared at Roxy, who waved him off.

“Aw, let Hal drive.”

“He doesn’t have a license!” Dirk threw a hand out in irritation. Hal held up a card.

“I’m using yours.”

“How did you get that?”

“Buckle up!” Hal tapped the screen in the control panel and the music went from bouncy Pop to showtunes. “The beach house. ETA: 1 hour.”

“It takes 2 hours-” Dirk’s protest was cut off by the car lurching backwards. Eridan slapped his arm in front of Dirk to keep him in place, then hastily reached over to tug the seatbelt over him.

“We survived SBURB,” He muttered to Dirk, “We’ll survive this.” Dirk grunted and wrapped an arm around Eridan while bracing his other arm on the chair in front of him.

“Can we at least not listen to showtunes?” He asked.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dirk.”

 

000

 

Somehow, they made it to the beach. Dirk shot a glare at Hal as he got out, but the other just shrugged, still grinning.

“Hoodie up, Hal.” Roxy patted his shoulder. “There be the common folk here. How about you, Dirk, and Jane check in and the rest of us check out a place for dinner?”

“Wait, what?” Eridan tried to step toward Dirk but Callie caught him by the wrist.

“Why don’t you come with us?” She pleaded, “I need your vote or Roxy and Jake will choose the first burger stand they see!”

Eridan’s face screwed up with ambivalence. “Well, that’s, true…” He conceded, and the group began to split off, tugging him away. Hal looped an arm around Dirk.

“Come on, you need to keep an eye on your mischievous little android anyways.” Dirk rolled his eyes as they headed off to the check in area.

As soon as they got inside Jane spun around to face Dirk and jabbed a finger at his chest. “You have this vacation to propose to Eridan.” She declared. Dirk blinked several times, then closed his eyes and groaned. “Chin up, buster. We’re here to help.”

“And how are you going to, say, ‘help’?”

“Obviously, the only way we know how,” Hal answered, “Spectacularly. For now, let’s get checked in.”

 

000

 

“But I **can’t-** ”

“Oh yes you can.” Roxy gave Eridan a playful shove as they walked down the street. “Hell, do it at dinner. We’ll clap.”

“I can’t do it at **dinner**!” His voice sounded aghast at the concept. “It’ll be so crowded and everyone watching! What if someone throws somethin at us?”

“Then we’ll kick their fuckin ass oh my God, Eri.”

“What if you used your wings?” Callie suggested, “They’re pretty.” Eridan made an unsure noise and shook his head.

“He’s used to the wings. I think he’d laugh if I tried using them as some fancy prop like a bird a paradise.”

“Buck up!” Jake smacked him right between the shoulder-blades, making him grunt and stumble forward. “You’d make a lovely bird of paradise!”

Eridan made some fuming comment as he stomped off ahead. Callie pursed her lips.

“Is he going to be ok?”

“I’m sure. He just needs to buck up and do it. Or well, wait for Dirk to.” Her voice dropped into a conspirator’s whisper, “Hey, I’m betting 20 bucks on Dirk popping the question first.”

Callie shook her head. “I think Eridan can pull through!”

“Eh, Dirk is a little better at taking initiative when push comes to shove. Whatdya think, Jake?” She glanced over her shoulder. “Jake?”

“Heyo!” She spun around and found him waving from across the street. “What do you think about this place? They have pierogis!”

“I don’t want pierogis,” Eridan complained, “And this place looks seedy.”

“Eri wants a place where he can wear a suit.” Roxy winked at him, “And pull out a ring.”

“Rox!”

 

000

 

“So you guys just ended up choosing the usual place, huh?” Dirk spun the saltshaker around in his hand. Eridan grunted as he glared out the window at the ocean.

“I like the view here.” Dirk quirked an eyebrow at his mood, then glanced at Roxy. She shrugged, ever the picture of innocence, and took a sip of her drink.

The food arrived. Dirk took advantage of the distraction to take a quick look around the restaurant. It wasn’t **too** crowded. They must have visited this place at least a hundred times over the years. A familiar place with a lot of good memories. Would that work? Would that be a good moment?

Then again, Eridan seemed upset over something. If he wasn’t feeling better by dessert, maybe Dirk should hang off for a bit.

Eridan’s mood did improve over the meal. He talked with Roxy over her latest research article, got into some heated debate with Jake over angels, and nudged Dirk’s foot several times throughout the meal.

A much sharper kick came from next to him. He winced, then turned to glare at Hal, who was sitting perfectly still with his hands clasped over his empty plate. He hadn’t moved the entire time throughout the meal; he’d never gotten the hang of the subtler bits of human disposition, or maybe he just didn’t care.

Hal didn’t say anything, but he did kick Dirk again, then Dirk’s phone buzzed.

 

TT: Do it.

TT: Dude, don’t pressure me like this. I’ll get to it.

TT: No you won’t.

TT: Yes I will.

TT: Do it now or I’ll eat the saltshaker.

 

Dirk scowled.

 

TT: You know that won’t be pleasant for you.

 

Hal picked up the saltshaker and pretended to contemplate it, as if he were about to season his nonexistent meal. Dirk’s eyes narrowed.

 

TT: I’m not fixing you if you corrode yourself.

TT: I’ll have died from your procrastination then.

TT: Also, we’d probably never be allowed to come back here again.

 

Dirk could see Eridan watching them, probably wondering what stupid argument they had gotten into this time. He growled under his breath and started to type out a response.

 

000

 

Eridan fidgeted nervously with his fork. Roxy nudged him in the ankle, then her eyes flickered to Dirk and she quirked an eyebrow. Eridan swallowed, then took a sip of water. A minute passed, and Roxy nudged him again. He ignored her. His phone dinged. He sighed and took it out.

 

TG: do it

CA: i cant hes arguin with hal

TG: omfg then save him its the perf moment

CA: no hes all irritated and stuff and its always hard to interrupt those two

TG: pfff

TG: alright hows this?

 

Roxy scooted her chair back, then jerked forward. There was a loud bang from under the table, audible to everyone. Hal waited a second, then very slowly raised his head to look at her.

“Ow,” He said in the most deadpan voice possible. Roxy beamed at him.

“Hey, what do you guys think about dessert?”

“Sure.” Dirk answered quickly and turned to Eridan. “Any ideas?”

“Uh,” Eridan froze, then his hand scrambled for the dessert menu. “W-Well-” He snapped it up in front of his face, as if he hadn’t memorized the contents years ago. “I’m kinda in the mood for, um-” Roxy was nudging his foot again.

“I think the chocolate cake would be a good choice.” Hal declared, then reached up and gripped Dirk’s arm in an iron hold. “The aesthetics of the serving are very nice. I like how they always drizzle a ring of chocolate sauce around the edge. Dirk, don’t you like how they do that? Serve it in a ring?”

“It’s great,” Dirk answered in a flat tone.

“Cake’s nice,” Eridan gave a distracted response. He wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, or the words in front of his face. He was trying to psych himself up. He needed an opening line. Something about sweets? The ocean? God, he **sucked** with words.

“Eridan, what do you think?” His head snapped up to look at Dirk. “I’m just going to get the pie. You want to split it?”

“Uh,” Eridan’s mouth felt dry all of a sudden. He stared at Dirk like a deer, fiddling with the menu in his hand. Dirk tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow in a silent question. Eridan forced a swallow. He needed to say **something**.

Dirk’s gaze suddenly went down to Eridan’s hands. “Eridan,” He said, “The menu.”

“Huh?” Eridan looked down just in time to see the top of the menu burst into flames. He yelped and dropped it. Candles. Candles on the table were a thing.

The burning menu hit the napkins and caught them as well. Eridan swore and scrambled up out of his chair. The table next to them looked over and shouted in alarm. A couple of staff members broke into a run toward them.

“Fuckfuckfuck!” Eridan’s head whipped around, then he grabbed his glass of water and dumped it on the fire, dousing it in a second. There was a moment of awkward silence as everyone looked amongst each other. Eridan made eye contact with Dirk and quickly looked away.

“…Fuck.” Roxy sighed and let her forehead fall into her hand. “Ok never mind. How about we skip dessert and get the check?”

 

000

 

“Have you been getting enough sleep?” Dirk asked. Eridan nodded. He could still feel his cheeks burning after the events of dinner as they walked along the beach. Roxy and the others had “abruptly” ditched them to go grab ice cream.

“I’m fine.” Eridan rubbed at his cheek. “I’ve just uh, been distracted lately.”

“Oh.” Dirk dug his hands into his pockets. “…Yeah, I guess, I have too.” Eridan laughed a little, then reached over and locked his arm with Dirk’s.

“We better keep an eye on each other, then.” Dirk smiled and tugged him closer.

“Guess so.”

The sky darkened suddenly, and Dirk looked out to see clouds had gathered across the sky.

“Huh,” Eridan stared out across the ocean, “Weather didn't say anythin about a storm. Guess the beach is unpredictable like that.”

“Yeah,” Dirk grunted. A blast of wind crashed into their back. Dirk stepped forward and changed his grip so he was holding Eridan’s hand. “We should head in before it starts-”

“H-Hey!” Eridan felt a sharp tug on his sleeve and looked down. A little boy, ten or so, was staring up at him with a terrified expression.

“It's my sister!” He burst out before Eridan could ask. “Um, she wasn't, she wasn't supposed to, dad said we aren't allowed to take the boat out but she- now it's dark and I can't see her anymore and it's getting windy and,” He stopped to take a breath. Another heavy gust crashed into them, nearly knocking Eridan sideway. “-and my dad's not answering his phone. Um, you're the only adults around-”

“Ok stop,” Eridan held a hand in his face to cut him off, “we get it.” He turned to Dirk, who nodded.

“Be careful. It's windy.”

“I've flown by the sea before.” Eridan lightly pried the boy's hand off his shirt and backed up. “Call Jake and Callie to see if they can help.”

Eridan crouched down in the sand, then his wings burst out of his back, flaring outwards to their full length for a brief moment. He nodded once to Dirk before leaping into the sky and soaring off over the ocean.

“Whooaaa.” The boy’s eyes went wide as he watched Eridan already fading from view. “Is your husband a Specter?”

“Aspect, kid. We're called Aspects.” Dirk ruffled his hair. “And uh, technically not my husband, yet? **Anyways** , let's try and call your dad again-” A flash of movement caught his eye and he turned. A mass of black goop rose out of the sand. It trembled, then grew four stout limbs and slowly stood up. Its bright white eyes opened wide and it hissed. “Ffffudgesicles.” Dirk stepped back. “Kid, stay behind-” He paused, then looked behind him. “Kid?” He was suddenly alone on the beach, or maybe not, because more imps were crawling out of the sand. Dirk hadn't seen an imp being created since the rise of the Black King.

“Something's off.” He reached out and a shining blade of concentrated Heart Aspect formed in his hand, giving him a weapon and a light source. He popped his headset on as he faced the first of the imps.

 

TT: We’ve got trouble.

 

The message he received back was exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

 

TG: over there 2 huh?

TT: Fuck.

TT: I can handle things here. Are you guys together?

 

He sliced through the first of the imps. They moved strangely: too fluid, too intelligent.

 

TG: ye

TG: eri’s with u?

TT: Technically, he just flew out over the ocean to find a kid, but he should be back soon.

TG: the sun’s settin and the wind’s pickin up

TT: He can handle it.

 

000

 

“Something's off.” That was the feeling Eridan got from Dirk as he worked around the wind to make his way over the ocean. He growled in frustration at the low visibility, then stretched out one hand. His hope flared up in his palm and hit the water like a search light, revealing an empty surface.

An angel's shriek made him look up. One of his scouts was circling up ahead. He beat his wings hard to shoot forward and join it, and spotted a small, overturned boat bobbing in the waves.

“Fuck!” Eridan swore as dread shot into him, then spotted a small figure clinging to the side. He felt a rush of relief and swooped down to scoop her out of the water.

“AHHH!!” She shrieked, then went quiet and grabbed the arms holding her. “H-Huh?”

“I ain't takin you to heaven,” Eridan informed her, “Just back to shore.” At that moment, a particularly strong wind crashed into them. Eridan went flipping backwards before he managed to steady himself. He growled and held the girl tight to his chest, then looked around.

 _“Which way back again?”_ He felt a pang of panic at the darkness around him, then forced himself calm. He closed his eyes and focused in on the splinter inside of him. Dirk’s soul shone back to him, pointing the direction back to shore.

The lights of the town came into view and he exhaled softly. “We’ll be back to land soon,” He told the girl in his arms. In response, she reached up and, to his surprise, poked him playfully on the cheek.

“Then I’ll get off here.” She murmured, “Good luck.”

His arms closed around thin air a second later. He blinked rapidly, then looked down to see if he’d dropped her. She was nowhere in sight. He swallowed, then beat his wings hard to go shooting back toward the shore.

 

000

 

These weren’t normal imps.

Dirk swung his blade through another and once again, it ripped through the gooey material. Once again, the imp pulled its shape back together. It hissed at him and lurched forward. He skipped away from it and switched his heart sword out for his metal katana. He cleaved another imp right down the middle. The two halves sucked back together with a wet sucking sound.

 _“Gross.”_ He scanned the area and counted up his opponents. At least there weren’t any basilisks or worse around. One of the imps clamped onto his leg and he kicked it off.

“Dirk!” He glanced over his shoulder to see Eridan flying back to shore. Eridan swooped in and plucked him up off the ground, flying upwards to hover in the air out of the imps’ reaches.

“You ok?” Eridan asked as Dirk shifted in his hold.

“Fine.” Dirk slung an arm around his neck and let his sword pop back into his specibus. “There’s something off about these things. I’ll slice them but they just reform.”

“Huh.” Eridan wrinkled his nose down at the monsters gathered under them. “Well maybe they just gotta be **obliterated**.” Eridan pointed down at one and his eyes narrowed. The imp exploded into white fire, and when the flames died it didn’t reform. “Ha!” Dirk twisted around to look down at the rest.

“Can you take them all out?” He felt rather than saw Eridan grin.

“Wanna do it with me?”

“Hoo boy.” Dirk wrapped on arm around Eridan’s neck and pulled himself upwards. “That’s a bit overkill, isn’t it?”

“I know, but it looks so cool.”

Dirk’s mouth twitched and he looked down at the ground, planning his landing. His free hand clenched tight and he took a deep breath, gathering his Aspect.

“Ready,” He said.

Eridan dropped him. Dirk hit the sand feet first and slammed his palms into the ground. Thick bolts of magenta lightning shot out from under him, each one piercing through an imp’s chest. He felt Eridan hit the ground behind him and a flare of heat washed over his back. White fire raced along the electricity, and the link between their souls thrummed so hard Dirk grit his teeth. The white fire touched the first of the imps and it exploded in a compact firework of pink and white. Dirk closed his eyes against the ensuing lightshow, too bright even for his shades. There were several loud popping noises and a blast of sand hit his face.

He spat out some grains and opened his eyes to find it was dark again. The remains of the imps sat in inert puddles and didn’t stir.

Eridan got up and started to walk around, inspecting the area. His wings rested neatly folded against his back, providing the light to see by. “Check it out!” He bent down and picked up a chunk of glass, holding it with his shirt to show to Dirk. “We made glass.”

“Great.” Dirk forced himself up, then stumbled over to a bench, set where the beach met the street. Eridan skipped into the air, gliding over the sand before landing in front of him.

“The girl?” Dirk asked. Eridan bit his lip.

“She vanished. Said she was leavin and disappeared right in my arms.”

“Huh.” Dirk let his back thud against the bench. “Same with the other kid.” He checked his phone to find Roxy had messaged him.

 

TG: we’re all set here! u guys ok?

TT: Yeah. We’re chill.

 

Dirk let his hand fall with a sigh. Eridan frowned and leaned over him.

“You ok?”

“Fine, just the adrenaline wearing off.” Dirk looked up at him. Eridan’s back was straight with an air of perfect confidence. His wings shone bright in the dim light. He looked like some kind of ethereal warrior of myth. There was weariness there, from the flying and the fighting, but the intensity at his core remained. Dirk remembered a time Eridan slumped, didn’t look people in the eye except to glare, but he hadn’t looked like that in a long time.

“You’re probably tired, too,” Dirk commented, “flying so long then using your powers.” Eridan made a disgruntled noise, then dropped down in the sand. He rested his cheek on Dirk’s knee and let his wings dissolve. Dirk leaned forward to ruffle his hair, then caress his cheek.

“You were pretty awesome, right there,” Dirk said. Eridan purred and hugged his legs. The silence floated around them for a few second, then Eridan took a shaky breath in.

“Dirk, I-” He hesitated, then buried his face into his pants to continue at a mumble. “I love you, I just, holy crap it’s just, **so much** , I can’t even think about it or my head starts spinnin.”

“Same,” Dirk answered, then winced at himself, “I mean, fuck, that sounded so lame. I mean, you, you make me ridiculously happy, ok?” He hesitated, then forced himself on, “And I want, I want that to last forever.” Eridan stared down at the sand. He swallowed, then nodded.

“Me too.” His voice had gone very quiet. His hands slipped off Dirk's knees to sit in front of him. “I want that too. I want-”

“Will you marry me?” Dirk blurted out. Eridan’s head snapped up.

“ **What?** ” The shock in his tone was sharp enough to cut glass. Dirk felt his confidence plummet.

“I-, You don’t have to-” He broke off as his gaze traveled downward and he caught sight of the box in Eridan’s hand. Box. Eridan. Kneeling. Hand hovering over the lid.

There was a span of silence, then Dirk pulled his own box out of his pocket and held it up without a word. They stared at each other for a few seconds, then-

“Ah,” Dirk gave a very bland exclamation of epiphany, “…Ok. Same page. Great.”

Eridan started to laugh weakly and all the tension dropped out of his shoulders. Dirk ducked his head and tried to hold down the snicker rising in his throat.

“Holy shit,” Dirk rubbed his forehead, grinning. “Al-Alright, who did you ask for advice?” Eridan began to list them off.

“Rox, Jake, Callie-”

“You asked **Jake**?”

“Look, I was desperate.”

“Fair enough, I mean, I asked Hal.”

“Oh my God.”

“Ok ok, before we get into this-” Dirk opened his box. The ring inside was a silver band with elegant twisting swirls in the metalwork. A violet jewel sat in the center flanked by two smaller ones. “I’m supposed to put this on your finger.” Eridan sucked in his breath, then nodded.

“R-Right, and uh-” Eridan opened the other box. It had a gold band that was embedded with tiny clear jewels, with an orange topaz in the center. “I h…hope you like it? They kept thinkin I wanted blue topaz but-”

“It’s beautiful.” Dirk lifted Eridan’s hand, then paused, “Oh, fuck which hand am I supposed to-”

“Left hand,” Eridan squeaked.

“Right.” Dirk slid the ring on, thankful he had gotten the measurements right. Eridan mirrored the action on Dirk’s hand. Dirk could feel his fingers shaking, then Eridan sniffed and jerked his hand up to rub his face. “Are you crying?” Dirk asked.

“Jus’ a lil.” Eridan mumbled back. Dirk caressed his face, wiping away one of the tears, then stood up and pulled Eridan to his feet to hug him. He rested his chin on Eridan’s shoulder, then reached up to rub his own eyes. “Are **you** cryin?”

“I’m allowed to cry.”

“Yeah,” Eridan’s voice cracked and he sniveled again, “Y-Yeah.”

Dirk closed his eyes, listening to the turmoil of emotion running through Eridan’s soul. It was heavy and overwhelming and matched his own soul perfectly, he was sure. The evening was dark and quiet, just the sound of the ocean waves in the background. He was perfectly content to stand here until the sun came up, but a voice from behind them made both their heads snap up.

“Bout time you fuckers.”

They stumbled back and whirled around. Roxy’s head was poking out of some bushes nearby. She grinned and waved. Two red lights revealed Hal was beside her. The lights had a steady blink, indicating he was recording.

“How long have you been there?!” Eridan yelped. Roxy shrugged.

“Uh, like from the beginning?” She reached down and pulled Jake up by the collar, and Jane poked her head up as well. “Also these chumps, of course.”

“I thought you guys were-wait.” Dirk’s eyes narrowed, then he turned back to the pile of slime that the imps had dissolved into. He flicked out a scanner and pointed it at one. It immediately responded with a symbol flashing on the screen. “…These are made of Space Aspect,” He declared. “They’re fake.”

The globs of black trembled, then ran across the sand to all gather at one point, rise upwards, and shift into a human form. Callie gave an abashed smile and ducked her head.

“I thought it was a rather convincing performance.”

“Aw you know it was, Callie,” Roxy assured her.

A man and a woman materialized in front of Dirk and Eridan, one of them condensing from the air, and the other appearing in a flash of black. Back to their actual age, they were now recognizable. John tossed his head back and laughed. The breeze swirled around in response.

“That was one of the best pranks I’ve ever done!”

“Surprise!” Jade grinned and flashed them a peace sign. “Pretty good acting, huh?”

“Temporary reversal of biological clocks,” Dirk rattled off the words with a mechanical tone, “Requires a combination of power from a highly skilled Time and Life Aspect.” He twisted around to shout nowhere in particular. “DAVE!”

Dave popped out of the bushes and immediately pointed with both fingers at Jane.

“She made me.”

“How many people are in those bushes?” Dirk asked through grit teeth. Rose and Kanaya sat up next to Dave.

“I collaborated with Roxy on the plan,” Rose declared.

“I came along in case healing or teleportation was needed,” Kanaya added. Dirk closed his eyes, inhaled loudly, raised both hands, then exhaled and lowered them.

“I would kill you all, if we didn’t need Groomsmen or Groomspeople or whatever.”

“You act like our actions were reckless and poorly planned,” Rose answered with an amused tone, then folded her hands together, “But I'll have you know we had not one, but two Seers involved in the planning process.

“ **No**.” Eridan had been standing silent in shock, but he now slapped his hands over his face and shook his head. “Nononono-”

“Surprise!” Terezi jumped out from behind a parked car on the street and flung her arms out. “Congrats on your engagement you dumb shi-wait am I in view right now?” A grumbling voice below her answered.

“Yes, for fuck’s sake. They can see you standing there like an idiot and screeching like a harpy.”

“OH FUCK NO.” Eridan stormed toward the car. Dirk stepped in front of him and grabbed him around the waist. “Kar!” He shouted over Dirk’s shoulder. “KAR THAT BETTER NOT BE YOU!” Karkat’s head appeared over the roof of the car.

“Hey.”

“SERIOUSLY?!” Eridan attempted to climb over Dirk, who half-heartedly held him in place with one arm. “YOU WERE PART OF THIS SHIT TOO!?”

“I am literally just along here for the ride,” Karkat answered in a flat tone, “You would have taken forever and I wasn’t going to miss whatever spectacle the others were putting together. It wasn’t a bad show. I’d give it a 3 out of 5 stars.”

“Yeah ok,” Dirk caught Eridan as he lunged over him, then held him against his shoulder and began to walk away. “Time to go before a murder happens.”

“I CAN GET BACK AT YOU FOR THIS!” Eridan screeched and flailed an arm at Karkat over Dirk’s shoulder. “KAR’S BEEN IN LOVE WITH TER FOR TWO FUCKIN DECADES!”

“Wha-ARE YOU FUCKING **FOUR**!?” Karkat shrieked back at him.

“Omg Eri.” Roxy covered her mouth to prevent from laughing. “You’re so mean.”

“I’LL SHOW HIM MEAN DIRK LEGGO!”

“I’m not letting a murder ruin our engagement.”

“No one has to find the body.”

The argument continued as they gradually vanished into the darkness, heading back to the beach house. Rose rocked back on her heels.

“Well, that went as well as anticipated.”

“He seems mad,” Terezi noted.

“Naw,” Roxy punched her on the shoulder. “He’s just blowin off the extra steam and shock. He’ll thank us later.”

“Good!” Terezi stabbed her cane into the sand. “I love weddings. They smell great. I better be invited!”

“Uh, we’ll ask them about it,” Jane assured her, trying not to pay attention to Karkat sneaking away off to the side. “Thanks for coming out here.”

“No problem, this was hilarious. And I’m always up for a trip to the beach.” She twisted around and sniffed the air. “Hm, is that a restaurant nearby? I could use a snack.”

“It’s getting rather late.” Rose stretched her arms up over her head. “Kanaya, what do you think about heading back to the hotel for the night?”

“That would be lovely.” Kanaya slipped her hand into hers as they began to head up the slope to the street.

Roxy planted her hands on her hips and huffed. “Oh goddamn. This means when we get home they’re gonna start obsessing over **plannin** the damn thing.”

“Probably.” Jane scratched her cheek as she peered out at the way Dirk and Eridan had gone. “You think they’ll have some kinda revenge set up for us when we get to the house?”

“Naw,” Roxy smacked her on the shoulder, “They’ll be too busy snugglin and gazin into each other’s eyes all romantic-like and shit.” Callie groaned and clapped her hands over her ears.

“I have the sinking feeling that the retribution is going to instead take place through thin walls and creaky beds.” Roxy’s face went sober.

“That…is totally a possibility. Did everyone bring ear plugs?”

“If they attempt this,” Hal declared, “I’ll have no choice but to respond with Smashmouth at max volume.”

“Gee thanks Hal.” Roxy answered. He tilted his head to the side.

“Sarcasm detected. Rude, Lalonde.”

“Hush you.”

 

000

 

“The others are back,” Eridan muttered without opening his eyes.

“They’re trying to be stealthy.” Dirk had his head nestled in the crook of Eridan’s neck. He could hear the others shuffling around on the other side of the bedroom door. “Should we go harass them?”

“Do you wanna?”

“Honestly, I’m really comfortable right now.”

“Me too.” Eridan’s hand wandered down his arm. “Guess they’re getting off for now.”

“We’ll forgive them by tomorrow.”

“I think I already do.”

Dirk snorted as he heard Jake smack into the coffee table and swear under his breath. He shifted over so he was staring up at the ceiling. “Have you thought about like, where we’d have it?”

Eridan was silent for awhile, then he answered, “I, as a kid I thought about it sometimes, gettin married and stuff. I think I thought of a lot a places. Pretty sure one a them was underwater.” Dirk snorted.

“Would you mind if we kept our options open regarding that one?”

“What about you?”

“I’ve run through a million ideas but none of them seem good.”

“We’ll figure out all that plannin some other time.” Eridan rolled over so he was curled around Dirk. “M’tired.”

“Fair enough.” Dirk raised his hand up to smack him in the face, earning a whine of surprise. “Sleep well, Prince. Lemme know if you need a kiss to wake you up in the morning.”

“You’re fuckin terrible.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yeah.”

 

000

 

“Ok, so that’s the venue,” Dirk scowled down at the fistful of papers in on hand, “Are we using Jane’s company for catering?”

“A course.” Eridan rifled through the pile of documents that had been strewn out on the coffee table. “She’d never talk to us again if we used anyone else.” Eridan leaned back with a grunt and fanned himself with some papers. “God, it’s so fuckin hot today, we should have just gone to the beach again.”

“You look nice in a tank-top,” Dirk noted. Eridan snorted.

“You sure it doesn’t have something to do with the fact that it’s technically **your** tank-top?”

“Association studies are inconclusive.”

“You sound like Hal.”

“At what point did it stop being him sounding like me?”

“Beats me.” Eridan tossed the papers into some pile that probably wasn’t the right one. “Oh, Callie said she wanted to design the outfits. Is that ok?”

“Sure.” Dirk tapped his pencil against his lips. “You think you’ll wear a suit or a dress?”

“Shit.” Eridan propped his face up on his hands and stared at the wall in thought. “I dunno. Maybe some combination. I’d have to talk with Callie about it. I wonder if she could…could…” He led off, then swallowed.

“Eridan?” He didn’t answer. Dirk leaned over to look at his face. “What’s up?”

Eridan covered his mouth with both hands and hunched over. His shoulders shook as tears began to roll down his cheeks and over his fingers. Dirk winced as the sudden wave of emotion hit him, then dropped his papers on the table and scooted up beside Eridan to wrap an arm around his shoulders.

“Eridan, hey,” Dirk murmured and squeezed his arm, “what is it?”             

“I-I’m gettin **married,** ” Eridan’s voice warbled. He dropped his hands into his lap and sniffed hard. “I’m gettin married an’, an’ I’m in love an’ I’m 24 an’ I’m gettin **married**.”

“Shhh…” Dirk pressed his head against Eridan’s, feeling the wet tears on his cheek. He reached over and clasped Eridan’s hand. “Yeah, yeah, we’re doing this, man.” An awkward, hiccupping laugh bubbled out of Eridan.

“We’re makin this happen.”

“Are you scared?”

“N-Nu-uh.” Eridan shook his head, then scrubbed at his face with his tank-top. “I just, **wow**. I didn’t think-” He sniveled again, “I didn’t think I’d ever…Holy **shit**.”

“Yeah, I know. Shh…” Dirk rubbed his thumb in gentle circles over Eridan’s wrist. Barely lighter lines were hardly visible on the skin there, faded over the years. “It’s going to be amazing, I promise.” Eridan twisted around and snuggled himself into Dirk’s shirt. Dirk held him there and began to hum into his hair. He ran his hands up and down his back, gradually feeling Eridan’s shaking fade and his soul settling down. Eridan sniffed a few more times, then took a slow breath.

“Ya can’t see what I’m gonna be wearin,” He said finally, “It’s tradition. You can’t see until it’s time.”

“Fair enough.” Dirk ruffled his hair. “That means I get to make my outfit a surprise too, right?”

“If you show up in a My Little Pony onesie I’m leavin you at the altar.” Eridan paused. “Except I won’t really, but you better not.”

“Cosplay though. Callie’s doing the outfits, right? She likes cosplay.”

“If it still looks decent and for a wedding, you can cosplay.”

“Sweet.”

Eridan smiled wide and twisted the ring on his finger. “I love you.” He whispered. Dirk kissed him on the temple.

“I love you too. We’re going to be incredible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy for them.
> 
> I had a lot of trouble thinking about what a Prince of Heart and Hope combo would be like. Basically, destructive. I thought about Eridan helping Dirk summon his own angels, which would have been cool. You'd need a Hope Aspect of your own class with a strong bond, and a soul link probably wouldn't hurt.
> 
> I feel like at some point in their childhood both Dirk and Eridan thought “I can’t wait until I’m like 20 and people start treating me with respect.” Spoilers, at age 24 you’re going to be tossed around like a beach ball.
> 
> Surprise Karezi for that one friend who kept asking it to happen. No guarantee they're going to get together. It's entirely possible Karkat got over the crush he had when he was like, ten. I'm so glad Eridan and Karkat have repaired their relationship enough Eridan is ready to try and ruin his life again.
> 
> The best part about this was it was technically plan b.  
> Roxy: Ok they ain’t gonna do it let’s call Beta and that Seer from Alternia to help us out.  
> Terezi: *Lowers the phone to call over her shoulder* HEY KARKAT THEY’RE GONNA GET ERIDAN TO PROPOSE TO DIRK THROUGH SOME CONVOLUTED ROM-COM SHENANIGANS WANNA DRIVE TWO HOURS TO COME WATCH?  
> Karkat: *Screeching as he throws clothes into a bag.*
> 
> Here’s a question: If two Princes are trapped in a magical slumber aka won’t get up for breakfast, would having two teammates smash their faces together wake them up simultaneously?
> 
> Do, Do I have to write the wedding? I don't want to write the actual wedding. They're complicated. I'll give a summary of what happened on my tumblr Lunethwrites.


End file.
